my fairytale

One White Cloud

2009-02-24T00:30:00.002+08:00

Clouds or Not
by Carrie Harris

While I lay here
On the sandy beach
With the wind caressing my rosy cheeks
I look up into the empty blue sky
And wonder when a white cloud will come by.

My gaze is transfix to that empty blue
Just waiting for that cloud I knew.
Something whispers into my ear
Saying "Never give up hope My lovely dear."

Those few words
Touched my grieving heart
And my world starts to spin like a weaving dart.

Going back to those memories, that I hold so dear.
Making my soul ache, from that night of fear.
When my love was lost in those past years.

Before my love was lost to me
He said "look up in the sky
When it's empty and blue
And find a white cloud that nobody knew.

That will be me,
Looking down at you.

I promised, I will always love you."

Instant Tears

2009-02-07T10:44:00.004+08:00

Annal Mele Pani Thuli
Alaipayum oru kili
Maram thedum mazhai thuli
Ivaithaane ival ini
Imai irandum thani thani
Urakangal urai pani
Edarkaagha tadai ini

Yendha kaatrin alavalil malaridalgal virinthidumo
Yendha theva vinadiyil manaaraigal thirandidumo
Oru siruvali iranthaduve idayatile idayatile
Unadhu iru vizhi tadaviyathaal amizhnthuvitten mayakathile
Udhirattume udalin thirai
Adu thaan ini nilavin karai karai

Santhipoome Kanaakalil Silamurayaa Palamurayaa
Anthi Vaanil Ulaavinaal
Adhu unnaku Ninaivillaya
Iru Tharaikalai Udaithidave Perughiduvaa Kadal Alaiyae
Iru Iru Uyir Thathalikayil Vazhi solluma Kalangaraye
Unadhalaighal ennai adikka
Karai servathum kanaavil nighazhndida.

Wish

2009-02-02T14:18:00.002+08:00

My only wish for now...

To end up like Jamie.. in A Walk to Remember...

Perhaps then, people would realise that people matter more... More than rules, more than beliefs, more than anything else..

And I'd have at least a summer... Of bliss... That is all I ask for...

Landon: I'm sorry she never got her miracle.
Reverend Sullivan: She did. It was you.

Jamie: Without suffering there would be no compassion.
Landon: Yeah, well tell that to those who suffer.

Jamie: I'm sick.
Landon: I'll take you home. You'll be be...
Jamie: No. Landon! I'm sick. I have Leukemia.
Landon: No. You're 18. You - you're perfect.
Jamie: No. I found out two years ago and I've stopped responding to treatments.
Landon: So why didn't you tell me?
Jamie: The doctor said I should go on and live life normally as best I could. I - I didn't want anybody to be weird around me.
Landon: Including me?
Jamie: Especially you! [Jamie looks down]
Jamie: [Landon gets upset]
Jamie: Ya know, I was getting along with everything fine. I accepted it, and then you happened! I do not need a reason to be angry with God.

Horoscopes

2009-01-05T14:39:00.002+08:00

A Bad Habit Can Spoil A Good Horoscope.

That line made me think alot. Thank you *i*es* for giving me something to think about.. That line was off a poster that encouraged people to quit smoking. True, isn't it? Horoscopes, supposed to have so much significance in a person's life, especially if you're Indian and Hindu. The importance that families give to horsocopes, can drive you to the point of insanity at times.. Don't take me wrongly. I am not denouncing this practise, neither am I saying it shouldn't be followed.. I am merely stating my thoughts on this matter..

Two people who get along, who have no issues in terms of communication, who are the best of friends, who love being around each other, who sit and await the dawn of the next day just so they can see the other person - what is wrong in them being together? But they cannot be if some planets in their horoscopes are not in the right position, which means they will have fights and quarrels later in future and a marriage is called off.. Nobody stops to think that this could be a self fulfilling prophecy in future.. Who does not fight? Which couple gets through life without fighting here and there? Some fight more, some fight less.. Eventually they will settle down together.. Just because they fight does not mean they love each other any less, does it? If a dating couple in love fight although they see each other for limited periods each day, isn't it only natural that married couples who live together under the same roof, with different lifestyles and habits fight as well? How is this determined by planets? And if you were to go againts the beliefs and choose to follow your mind, and then you end up fighting, everyone says the prediction came true and it is a case of a self fulfilling prophecy.. Everything that may go wrong naturally would be blamed on the fact that the astrology was not followed..

And then there is the issue of two people not being allowed to get married because one life is at risk if they get together, now that's sad too.. A couple in love, who get along, who have no issues, who may have been friends for years before and they are stopped from starting a life together cuz the astrology states that one will die if they get married.. So what if they had been living together, cohabiting for years and all was good, but marriage would kill one? How does an exchange of vows and rings suddenly throw one on the death bed..

Im not insulting traditions or looking down on them.. I do believe in it to an extent too.. But I feel it's unfair too.. Sometimes I tend to think ignorance is bliss and knowledge is such a burden.. Not knowing would allow you to live your life in a carefree manner, without worrying about when what was predicted is going to happen... In fear.. Living each day with worry...

Like the line at the top says , "A Bad Habit Can Spoil A Good Horoscope." Everything can go well according to the astrologer's prediction. Your horoscopes can be perfect.. your planets and moons can be at the perfect positions.. but what if he was an alcoholic? Or a chain smoker, who can't quit.. Wouldn't that take his life? Then whose fault is it?

What is true? What is meant to be? How much do we give in and how much should we fight against what we are made to believe in? Do we allow the horoscopes to determine our path in life and sit and wonder all the way if we made a mistake or fight against beliefs and stick by what you want...

As sad as it is, eventually even if you want to fight and go by your choice and follow your heart, it's the beliefs that emerge triumphant.. And you find yourself succumbing to fate and doing what you were supposed to do - abide by the rules... And whether that gives you a happily ever after , you will have to wonder all the way...

Goodbye 2008

2008-12-31T12:17:00.003+08:00

It's the 31st today!

I can't believe it's the end of a year already. It went by way too fast and so many things have happened this year, it's crazy...

So much hurt, so many tears, so many disappointments, so much heartache...

Also, my fair share of joy and laughter and extremely happy moments... I cannot deny that...

You were the reason for my happiest moments and my deepest grief.. You made me feel like the luckiest girl around and also the unluckiest... With you I learnt to aim for the stars and I also learnt how it felt to be crawling in the dumps... With you I learnt the beauty of giving and loving and also the pain of it... I learnt that decisions that are made past the correct time may never get a second chance.. I have learnt that it is more important to follow your heart and gut instinct than what is deemed to be correct.. That societal norms and family rules may not necessarily be applicable to everyone within the family.. That you should take the path where your heart lies cuz that usually leads you to happiness.. I have learnt that sometimes sacrifice may not be the best thing after all.. And I have also learnt that even if it may not be the best thing, you got to do it when there is no other alternative.. I have also learnt that love cannot be forced and will only work if two people want it to.. That it's useless believing that you can will things to work on your own...

I have learnt that sometimes the people whom you least expect are the ones who are there to pick you up and watch out for you.. ( Thank you, Kevin and Siva) .. I have learnt too that sometimes without your girlfriends, you are nothing... The smiles and laughter and tears they share with you are priceless... No matter how often you meet or hangout or how seldom you communicate, they would never let you down..

To Sai, for listening, for understanding, for feeling my frustration, for curling my hair and doing my eyes, for getting excited with me for things that mean the world to me, for sharing my love for chocolates and seafood...

To Vic, for staying up at night to let me cry, for calling me a million times to make sure Im ok.. For carrying an unglamorously huge balloon through the train for me cuz you knew I wanted you to, for actually thinking about coming to India ...

To Vas, for patiently listening to my long updates of stories each time we meet, for the wake up calls each morning that makes me feel remembered, for walking to an ulu mac to get me the 'wrong' breakfast, for being honest with me...

To Bhavani, for coming in at the right times, for listening and trying to save me from potential heartache, for getting to know people important to me, for getting frsutrated on my behalf and for being there..

To Geeta, for calling me daily, getting happy and sad for me, for fighting for my blue blanket, for sharing movie dates with me, for getting embarrassed with me, for travelling to Commonwealth station at night cuz you knew it meant a lot...

To Shivani, for listening, for getting angry, for making me egg and cheese, for always cooking when you stay over, for watching 'colic' with me, for painting the 'V' and helping me with damage control...

To Sandhya, for always trying to get me to eat, for worrying, for listening, for traumatising me about my brother, for sharing years of friendship, for calling to check on me under your block during the lightning...

To Aarthi, for appearing at the right moments, for taking me out on a random lunch date, for making me spill my heart and listening to my depression, for understanding and telling me what to do, for making me laugh, for sharing my joys and tears...

To Siew Wei, for coming into my life, for undertanding me, for knowing exactly how I feel, for the tears you share with me, for getting so frustrated at my helplessness, for wanting the best for me..

I love you all many many much!!

I wish the year end had taken a different turn... I still wish there would be a miracle.. I wish stars and planets didn't interfere with my life so much.. I wish I could leave ...

I hope the year ahead is better, less tears , less pain, less troubles..
I hope for a job so I can still support Buyan...
I hope to leave this place..
I hope to turn cold and indifferent and numb...
I hope to forget how to love...
I hope to be more antisocial and withdrawn...

Xmas

2008-12-23T22:45:00.002+08:00

It's that time of year... Of holly and mistletoes, of love and giving, of presents and candycane, of laughter and miracles.. I do believe in miracles, at least to a certain extent, and miracle or n0t, there is a sense of magic lingering in the air this season... Of possibilities, of hope, of fairytales and of dreams.. The lights, the cheer and the laughter of shoppers and friends linking hands as they walk, it'll all just so beautiful.. :)

Yesterday I sat down to watch 'A Walk to Remember'. Yet again. This time with Lavin-the most unbelievable of companions and I can't help but feel this warm sensation each time my favourite parts come up.. Where he stands up for her in the cafeteria, the way he calls her 'Baby', the softness that comes out from him whenever he is around her, the scene of the state lines and tattoo, when she refers to him as her angel... It's just sooo sweet! :)

I need a job.. There are so many things I wanna get... The mp3 player, a bag, heels, the lamp I have been meaning to get, the books that I really want to get and start reading... Not to mention settling my handphone bills, and supporting my Mongolian kid... Im so afraid I will have to give her up.. :( I hope I last it out...

I want my miracle....

Coincidences and Signs

2008-12-22T20:58:00.002+08:00

It's been a while.. Never really knew how to put in words and express the turbulence within... Actually I still don't.. And I doubt I would make sense anyway...

How do you know you have gotten a sign? I mean you wait for a sign and then you get a sign that you asked for but you start doubting it because it could just be coincidence.. I mean, it was so possible that it could just be a normal occurence and not a sign.. But then again, it just may be the sign I was looking for.. So what do I do - take it as a sign and make decisoons based on that thought or dismiss it as a coincidence? See what I mean, I start sprouting loads of nonsense.. Sign or coincidence, i think Im gonna dismiss them both and go by my instinct and belief.. And I'll wait to see where this will all lead to...

So much I want to know.. So many things I need to ask.. So many burning questions that drive me crazy each and every day but I know this is not the time.. I smile and let it go.. One day things will fall into place... Time, time is all that's needed.. I hope...

I wanna see you the way I know you.. The way you were and the things you did.. the way you'd say things and the way your eyes light up when you smile.. I wanna see your smile reach your eyes and the warmth radiate from within like how I remember it.. I wanna see that laughter and mischief once more.. That arrogance that came through once in a while, the confidence that you showed.. The positivity and faith that made me believe and the smiles you brought about... I know I will..

Will it be my turn, two hearts beating together as one, no more loneliness , only love , laughter and fun

How do you know

2008-12-12T12:32:00.002+08:00

How would you know someone is made for you? That you have finally met that someone you have been waiting for all your life - the one who has the ability to totally sweep you off your feet and make you feel the butterflies each time they walk into the room? How do you know your decisions would lead to positive consequences? How do you know if the right thing to do may actually be the wrong thing for you? Is following your heart, even if it means going against social and cultural norms, wrong? Or is it more wise fighting for what you want and believe in? But how would you be certain that what you want is actually what is best for you and what guarantee do you have that this is what you should be doing???

How can you tell that someone who loves you now will always love you this way and its not merely a temporary phase? Or how would you know if someone you love would return your love the same way??

Breathless

2008-12-03T01:19:00.002+08:00

If our love was a fairy tale, I would charge in and rescue you
On a yacht baby we would sail
To an island where we’d say I do
And if we had babies they would look like you
It’d be so beautiful if that came true
You don’t even know how very special you are

You leave me breathless
You’re everything good in my life
You leave me breathless
I still can’t believe that you’re mine
You just walked out of one of my dreams
So beautiful you’re leaving me
Breathless

And if our love was a story book
We would meet on the very first page
The last chapter would be about
How I’m thankful for the life we’ve made
And if we had babies they would have your eyes
I would fall deeper watching you give life
You don’t even know how very special you are

You leave me breathless
You’re everything good in my life
You leave me breathless
I still can’t believe that you’re mine
You just walked out of one of my dreams
So beautiful you’re leaving me

You must have been sent from heaven to earth to change me
You’re like an angel
The thing that I feel is stronger than love believe me
You’re something special I only hope that I’ll one day deserve what you’ve given me
But all I can do is try
Every day of my life

You leave me breathless
You’re everything good in my life
You leave me breathless
I still can’t believe that you’re mine
You just walked out of one of my dreams
So beautiful you’re leaving me
Breathless

Value of Time

2008-12-02T23:57:00.002+08:00

Have you ever felt so muddled up? Like there were really really important things running through your head that needed your attention and time, that you were so hesitant to look into because you were afraid of finding the answers to them?

I am not going to question why it is so or why it couldn't have been otherwise or wonder at the timing, or the twists and surprises and shocks that meet you at every turn you make in your journey. Questioning never provides answers.. Time, I realised does...

I remembered today as I sat in church, a particular day similar to this, where I sat before Her just like I did today and made a request.. Told Her something I felt was only fair.. And I remember feeling so down about it after. And today, those thoughts came flooding back.. And I realised that time had taught me a lesson.. To stop, to understand, to learn patience, to wait, to believe, to surrender, to accept, to give, and today - to wonder at the mystery of it all...

It is a challenge.. Every day is a challenge of it's own.. certain days, you feel nothing happens and certain days you feel you were on a constant roller coaster ride.. Today I felt peaceful- after a long while.. I felt this amazing sense of calm I haven't felt in days.. Sitting at Her altar after so long made me realise how much I missed church.. I felt this sense of peace wash over me today in the serenity of it all.. And somehow that trip to Sai Centre, completed it.. And to top it off, a meeting with Siew Wei. :)

I Love You Till The End

2008-11-14T00:57:00.000+08:00

I just want to see you
When youre all alone
I just want to catch you if I can
I just want to be there
When the morning light explodes
On your face it radiates
I cant escape
I love you till the end

I just want to tell you nothing
You dont want to hear
All I want is for you to say
Why dont you just take me
Where Ive never been before
I know you want to hear me
Catch my breath
I love you till the end

I just want to be there
When were caught in the rain
I just want to see you laugh not cry
I just want to feel you
When the night puts on its cloak
Im lost for words dont tell me
All I can say
I love you till the end

Only A Woman Like You... :)

2008-11-07T12:38:00.001+08:00

So touching

2008-10-27T22:02:00.003+08:00

If only ... beautiful..

"Call it love, madness or just my heartbeats.. It's the same thing for me..."

"Alot of people have loved before, but my love stands apart from all of them because they don't have you.."

"I will love you till I die, and even after that.."

*sigh*

A story :)

2008-10-24T10:32:00.002+08:00

Let me tell you a short story.

Geneva is known as the diplomatic capital of the world.

Politicians, nobel laureates and scientists from all over the world converge in this city.

And that mostly happen at the Palais des Nations.

Which is the house of the United Nations in Geneva.

In front of the UN office, there is a giant wooden three legged chair,
the fourth leg is broken in half.

So, basically, it is a three and a half legged chair.

That chair is a reminder to everyone who passes by it that even today landmines kill and maim people, including little children, all over the world.

Everyday I have to pass by that chair, either when I go to the UN or to my school.

And everyday I get the goosebumps.

In the last 8 months in Geneva,

YOU are the second reason for my goosebumps.

End of story.

Affirmation

2008-10-08T11:46:00.003+08:00

This song was somthing that kept me company in sec school... Hearing it again brought some comfort and made me smile...

I believe the sun should never set upon an argument
I believe we place our happiness in other people's hands
I believe that junk food tastes so good because it's bad for you
I believe your parents did the best job they knew how to do
I believe that beauty magazines promote low self esteem
I believe I'm loved when I'm completely by myself alone

I believe in Karma what you give is what you get returned
I believe you can't appreciate real love 'til you've been burned
I believe the grass is no more greener on the other side
I believe you don't know what you've got until you say goodbye

I believe you can't control or choose your sexuality
I believe that trust is more important than monogamy
I believe your most attractive features are your heart and soul
I believe that family is worth more than money or gold
I believe the struggle for financial freedom is unfair
I believe the only ones who disagree are millionaires

I believe in Karma what you give is what you get returned
I believe you can't appreciate real love 'til you've been burned
I believe the grass is no more greener on the other side
I believe you don't know what you've got until you say goodbye

I believe forgiveness is the key to your unhappiness
I believe that wedded bliss negates the need to be undressed
I believe that God does not endorse tv evangelists
I believe in love surviving death into eternity

I believe in Karma what you give is what you get returned
I believe you can't appreciate real love 'til you've been burned
I believe the grass is no more greener on the other side
I believe you don't know what you've got until you say goodbye
Until you say goodbye
Oh no no no no no

Listen with your heart

2008-09-27T11:59:00.002+08:00

Que que na-to-ra
You will understand

Listen with your heart
You will understand

Let it break upon you
Like a wave upon the sand

Listen with your heart
You will understand

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G8GAkEhbRfs&feature=related

her tears

2008-09-27T10:25:00.002+08:00

She cried as she heard my tale.. She took my hands in hers and her eyes welled up with tears... At that moment, I knew someone had totally truly understood exactly the pain I was keeping within...

These are moments in your life when you feel so special. When someone so totally feels your ache and pain.. But then again, she was the one right there at that point watching things happen and knowing my exact motives and thoughts and intentions, the one i poured everything to during lunch and tea breaks.. The one i'd disappear into the resource centre with to talk stories to... That's why she understood it a bit too well... Cuz she knew.. everything... why I did what when.. Why I didnt do things.. If only you had known...

Guess how much i love you....

2008-09-10T10:46:00.000+08:00

I love this book....

Sweet

2008-09-02T16:21:00.002+08:00

very romantic..
Thanks Ganesh, for sending me the clip :)

The words are so beautiful and romantic...

...

2008-08-26T21:37:00.001+08:00

Somewhere over the rainbow...

2008-08-22T11:12:00.002+08:00

Somehow hearing the words from this child makes you pretty emotional...
Connie Talbot's rendition of Somewhere Over the Rainbow...

Somewhere, over the rainbow, way up high.
There's a land that I heard of Once in a lullaby.
Somewhere, over the rainbow, skies are blue.
And the dreams that you dare to dream
Really do come true.
Someday I'll wish upon a star and wake up where the clouds are far Behind me.
Where troubles melt like lemon drops, Away above the chimney tops.
That's where you'll find me.
Somewhere, over the rainbow, bluebirds fly. Birds fly over the rainbow,
Why then - oh, why can't I?
If happy little bluebirds fly beyond the rainbow,
Why, oh, why can't I?

racing against reality

2008-08-21T21:18:00.002+08:00

It keeps coming back. Again and again. Just when I thought I was rid of that cycle of these things repeating themselves time and again, I realise it was wishful thinking.

Why does it happen this way? Each time I pick myself up and tell myself it's over and the worse has happened and now everything is for the better, I find myself back at square one. Trying to mend the broken pieces and pick up the shards of my life again and attempt to piece them back.

I walked today. Unbelievable. From Yishun Library back home. Never believed I would. Usually just dump myself in the cab because the wait for the bus is too troublesome or the walk to Yishun station seems far! And I walked home. Through that "uluated" stretch of jungle past the temple, through that eerie darkness, through that route where the only people you meet are the workers from the shipyard cycling home. Not to mention, with two extremely heavy bags, one on each shoulder. And I didnt even seem to feel the strain. No, Im not stronger and I havent been working out. I guess, sometimes your emotional state of mind is more powerful than we give it credit for. I would have continued to Sembawang Park, but I was in a skirt with two bags of books with me. Sometimes I amaze myself...

Was so hungry an hour back. Somehow it all disappeared. Skipped my dinner. Just gonna turn in for the night in a bit. And Im having a splitting headache. Stupid pain's been bugging me since 7pm and the noisy kids weren't helping today either.

I need to occupy myself tomorrow. I need a break. Something. If all else fails, I would probably go to Yishun Primary for the parents' dance and help polish them up a bit. So annoying that I get off when everyone else works and then I work weekends.

I think I really need to go on that cruise. *fingers crossed*

I wish I knew why it seems like I committed a sin for which there is no second chance or why Im made to feel like it was something I can never be pardoned for.. But it's something I will never be able to forget.

Thoughts

2008-08-21T13:30:00.002+08:00

"You make my heart flutter..."

Would you say "Ditto"?

Many moons later

2008-08-18T15:52:00.003+08:00

It's been quite a while and somehow I miss spilling everything... Mis that sense of lightheartedness at the end of my rambling.. Oh well.. Been super busy and emotionally drained to do any proper writing..

First things first, I have just submitted my resignation letter to my Reporting Officer who seems like she will try to convince me to stay.. It's super hard when you feel stuck, yet you know your colleagues(some of them) genuinely care and they really don't want you to leave, and you know that you're gonna be super broke within the next month yet you know staying on could be worse for you cuz you may lose your sanity around this place.. Siew Wei, now I understand exactly why you left the way you did.. The thought of being penniless and broke and jobless is pretty hard to digest but I have to think of something. I refuse to spend my days with outreach and class visits where annoying teachers sit in and expect you to make magic. This is definitely not me. Yes, everyone will say, it's kids and i love kids and so I should love this. Yea.. But this is a league of its own.. This is not about kids. Its about the demands of ridiculously ambitious parents. The times I feel so hypocritical doing this makes all the satisfaction of the job seem so minimal.. The only thing I enjoy is storytelling, for CERTAIN kids only.. The look on their faces when you say something ridiculous, the way they get all excited when they know what you're gonna say next, the way they burst out laughing after the story of the 'wicked witch', how they memorise the actions of the 'tailor' story.. That I would miss. But that's all.

Moving on, I am currently into Nu Skin and Pharmanex range of products. I think I'd be doing injustice to the products if I were to type out the benefits and how much I believe in it. To find out, let me know and I'll bring you down for a feel of it or we could even indulge in a little spa session together. ;)

Caught the 'Love Guru' which was highly disappointing and 'Journey to the Centre of the Earth' which was just the opposite. Please do not be fooled by the poster that looks lame. The movie is really not bad. 90 mins of action and entertainment.

Have you ever felt like you were watching your life screwing up before you? Like you were a spectator on the outside watching your life being played up in front of you. Like all you could do was stare and keep your fingers crossed that the storyline will take a twist, yet unable to do anything to make a change? Have you ever felt like you were being dragged underwater by unseen forces and each time you tried to come up to breathe, the forces only got stronger and stronger? Have you ever felt that you were given wings to fly and just when you learnt to fly steadily and gained the confidence to soar really high, someone shot you down and all you could do was to fall harder and harder? Have you ever felt like you'd just like to sleep the day through? To not have to wake up to realise that the happiness and contentment you felt when your eyes were closed were nothing but dreams that would come to an end the minute you opened your eyes? Have you ever felt like running, continuously, cuz if you stopped, reality would catch up with you? Have you?? ... I have...

Flight of the Night Owl

2008-07-26T23:21:00.027+08:00

Yesterday was the Flight of the Night Owl.

I must say, although we are all aching and groaning and totally lethargic today, somehow I have no regrets taking part. I mean the race itself was tiring, especially when we ended up running all over the place and the clues seemed to throw us off course. But, the experience was pretty interesting. I mean, it's not everyday we get to go on such events with friends. Movies, shopping, sightseeing, all these are things we can always indulge in unlike things like these, for which we must wait for.

We all met at Dhoby Gaut and changed into our group's pink outfits and set off to the national museum to receive instructions and clues. The museum was so pretty last night, with all the lights and designs flashed onto the walls. The race was pretty tough as we take a while to get our bearings straight and we could not seem to solve the clue about the gates. But we had tonnes of laughter and exercise that will last me a whole year through. I can't even walk now.. Haha.

Everything will be a pleasant memory.. The painful walk everywhere, the horror at the sight of steps, Vic's strong mac cravings, Geeta's extremely heavy bag, the very nice taxi uncle, the woman sitting by herself for no reason at RGS gates, the torturous run to Asian civilisations museum, the walk along esplanade after, Vas's ability to fall asleep anywhere, her attempt at being muscular, free cookies at subway, Geeta carrying along the street directory, torchlights from Geeta and Vas, Sai being ambitious and bringing spare clothes, the baby cockroach attack, playing 'frisbee' with lightsticks at esplanade, Titanic moments, the baby merlion, photography in the middle if the road, running into cabs without money.. Oh my...

Now Im sleep deprived having slept just 3 and a half hours this afternoon. Oh well, it's off to work tomorrow. No choice. Haiz.. Pictures from yesterday...

Friday

2008-07-18T16:19:00.001+08:00

Today is Miss. Kalarranjeny’s 23rd. :) Received a call from her yesterday night to tell me she received my gift. I was so glad that it reached her correctly and on time and I’m pretty happy she liked it. I was so worried how the champagne and chocolates would look in the package but I’m relieved it was prettily packaged and sent across. Yay! Talking to her mum yesterday night made things more complete somehow. Grew up around aunty since I was 7 and there is a warmth each time I see her or give her a hug. I remember how she drove all the way to my place with roses cuz Jen wanted to surprise me on my 21st. That’s something I was really touched about. Aunty was so cute when she kept thanking me for doing something like this for Jen. Im just glad they are happy. Happy Birthday Jen. :)

On another note, there is exactly one week left to our great heritage race. Haha.. Somehow I think this whole thing is pretty funny. I cannot imagine myself running around or attempting physical challenges or solving mental puzzles past midnight. Oh well, one of the many spastic things we do.. And I am really looking forward to the company. I love my girls and the other team with us is perfect too. If only we could actually get the van, huh? Haha.. Oh well.. No manual license. Too bad.

I wanna catch another movie.. Caught Hancock last week and I want to catch that horror flick I saw during the trailers section. Looked interesting. The sort where I would probably crawl down to the edges of my seat for. No idea when it’s showing, though.

Im so lazy at work right now.. Been yakking away to Siew Wei and Shahada.. I think they may fire me soon if they observe well enough that I just haven’t done a thing.. But I guess it’s a carried forward feeling from yesterday. Nobody seems to be in the mood for work.. Office looks and feels like a ghost town today. Everyone is exhausted after the charity donation drive at EXPO that started at 8am yesterday. That was madness.. Im still sleepy and mentally exhausted. But luckily it’s Friday!!! And Im off tomorrow! :)

One of the Enquiries.. :)

2008-07-18T12:20:00.002+08:00

In traffic lights, why does Green means WALK and Red means STOP??

There are a number of reasons why GREEN means WALK and RED means STOP.

Edith and Earnest Bonhivert, in their book, Questions Children Ask (Chicago: Standard Educational Corporation, 1997) revealed that scientists say that red and green can be seen more clearly than other colours. This would be mmore clearly revealed through the history of railway lights and their relationship with mists and fog.

Moreover, usually, the red light contains some orange in its hue, and the green light contains some blue. This is to make things easier for and to provide some support for people with red-green colour blindness.

Another commonly known fact is that RED,being the colour of blood, generally signifies danger or hot. It also has often been the colour chosen when a need arose to attract attention, since RED is a colour believed to heighten nervous tension in people. Therefore, people would naturally pause or stop to think before going further when they see red light. GREEN, on the other hand, has a calming effect that would send a message that it is safe. The neutral effect it is believed to bring about would give off an “okay to proceed” signal to the people. So, natural reaction would be it is alright to go ahead or carry on.

In other words, colours do have an effect on how we feel and it has been used to send the right messages to people. Fire engines, for example, are RED and it tells us to keep away. Aeroplanes have red lights on the left wing, green on the right wing, and white lights on their tails. This show pilots where other aeroplanes are and which way they are going. It serves to alert other pilots.

Therefore, RED and GREEN are used in traffic light to indicate STOP and GO probably because the message they send correlates with the notion of danger and safety respectively..

Pride

2008-07-16T22:23:00.000+08:00

It is better to lose your pride with someone you love rather than to lose that someone you love with your useless pride.

Made me think quite a bit.....

Yada Yada Yada

2008-07-10T10:06:00.001+08:00

I have successfully placed my very first order online.. Yea yea cheap thrill but I really hope it turns out well and looks as good as the picture promised.. Jen will be shocked to the max when she receives the hamper at her doorstep. Really wanted to do something for her since I have not been able to be with her on her last few birthdays in a row. Anyway hope all turns out well..

I am very stoned.. I am so numb to people commenting on how its already Thursday and the weekend is almost here. Haiz.. i have a long way left :( My last Fun with Tots session has left me pretty discouraged.. I hate it when parents don't respond and participate. It defeats the purpose. I feel odd singing to them and doing actions while the toddlers move all over and the parents stare back at me blankly. I am truly not comfortable. It would have been alright if they joined in, cuz that would have encouraged the kids to join in too. If I had to pick one thing about my job that I would gladly give up, this would rank numero uno.

Im actually looking forward to the Heritage Fest Treasure Hunt. I mean it could be a total screw up and the thought of running through museums at midnight looking for lost treasures seems pretty depressing but hey, the company is gonna be excellent and we would probably amuse ourselves. That seems to be the one really bright spot in this month. And I still cant help laughing when I think back of Geeta's pronounciation of "muchachas". Haha.

Anyway, still pondering what I should do with the Flexi Benefit amount we receive. $400 but I cannot take it out. I have to follow guidelines on the spending. They encourage a PDA but I really don't need one.. Hmm... Perhaps I will dump it on the insurance payment..

It's about 10. Siew Wei will make her entrance in about an hour. Yay! That will keep me entertained till the day is through. I cannot believe they are trusting 2 levels of the library with us. Big mistake. Haha :)

:)

2008-07-09T17:07:00.002+08:00

Things I come across while weeding... Hahaha

Why did the ghastly ghost say boo?
It got a closer look at you.
Why did the monster screech and scream?
It saw your face inside a dream.
Why did the witch fly on a broom?
She took a peek inside our room
What gave all the ghouls a scare?
They saw you in your underwear.

Past Midweek

2008-07-02T17:51:00.000+08:00

So, it's currently the end of Day 5 of my seven day marathon. I'm super exhausted and it is frustrating when people who don't realise, come and tell me, it's already midweek!! Aargh.. It's way beyond that for me!! Haiz...

Did my very first class visit today and I was close to fainting.. 60 little girls.. And 2 teachers with 6 parent volunteers. I was ready to throw up from the stress. Thank God, the LOs suggested splitting them in 2 groups, if I didn't mind as I would end up repeating my presentation twice. Did I care? No!!!! I'd rather lose my voice drowning 2 separate groups of kids than sit and face 8 adults in a row.. Haha. But it was okay.. Kids burst out laughing as I did the "Lazy Jack and the Silent Princess" book and I was pretty happy when I heard a teacher laugh along as well. That made me relax a little more..

Preeti is waiting for me outside. What more could I ask for? Haha.. So nice to have someone waiting for you to end, cuz you know you have a life after you step out of the office.. :)

Caught "Wanted" yesterday and I must say, I was pretty impressed. I was expecting to be bored and that it was going to be another action movie. But I must admit, although I was ready to throw something at the screen during the effects they used at the start of the movie,(No matter what fraternity you come from or how tough you are, I really don't see how you can fly across two buildings just like that or drive a car with your feet steering it and your arms busy shooting down people through really bad traffic) as it progressed, it kept me pretty glued to the screen. The twists in the story were pretty cool too..I am glad I caught it.. And although Angelina didn't exactly do such a positive role, the end makes you sad watching her as you realise her committment to let the truth prevail. Really impressive.

Anyway Im off!!! I feel so liberated... Tomorrow morning coffee at Juring Regional Library awaits me ! Yay!!

A Tribute

2008-06-28T22:07:00.002+08:00

I didn't want to write about it or think about it but I just found out it was Vic's dad's birthday today.. Well, things come flooding back.. Acha's birthday was on Thursday. And I tried not to give it much thought. Tried to brush it away. Now it's back.. Oh well...

At times like these with so many things going on in my life, I wish he were here.. To stand by me, to guide me, to show me the way. I think I may not have been this paranoid and afraid if he was around. Think I might have been more willing to gamble with things if I had the security of his presence next to me. Dances would have been different too. That feeling of having him take time off from work to get home early to help me with my hair and all, that look and smile that would form on his face as he watched me on stage.. I still remember how I was doing "Kannodu Kaanbathellam" once on stage and he wasnt in the audi cuz he was helping with tickets outside. As my song blared on the speakers, I noticed the doors open and I saw him slip in and stand by the shadows throughout my dance. I remember that happiness welling up inside of me when I saw his smile and the look of pride on his face in watching his little girl perform.. Those emotions are gone forever...

I also remember how he taught us how to make catapults, how to catch birds with a basket, how to feed a young calf, how to hold a goat kid.. Trips to India are never the same without him around. I remember that smile on his face the day I came of age. That look in his eyes as grandma asked him to feed me some weird mixture of herbs and God knows what roots.. The way he spent so many $1 coins on that spastic machine at the arcade just because I said I wanted a doll from there. The way he used to bring us to funfairs.. The way he was so tired yet he took us for Hercules during the holidays and how he fell asleep in the theatre.. :)

He was so selfless. He loved unconditionally. He cared for everyone. I remember how he would go and cook something special if my friends were coming over. How he would stay up and cook for my school event and ask me to go sleep first. How he knew I hated ironing my pinafore and he used to iron it for me everynight..

Oh well, the memories are many many.. Try not to think about them cuz then it leaves me feeling miserable that I lost a love so precious, so selfless, so pure - one that i would never ever again experience. Throughout everything, every hurdle, every step, every decision, I know he is next to me.

Rahul

2008-06-27T00:18:00.002+08:00

This was just too sweet to miss

Spasticness at its peak

2008-06-25T22:28:00.010+08:00

I HATE WEEDING!!! Have i ever mentioned how much I detest drowning in dust, having dust balls cling onto your clothes, feeling irritation in your eyes from the dust and watch your fingers turn black from the accumulated dust? Aaargh!! Im glad im done with it.. for now... Anyhow, this has been a pretty eventful week I must say... Getting to know people.. finding out stuff about people I already knew.. tonnes of work.. Haiz.. But somehow I think its been nice... I remember how i was so scared about certain things a week ago.. somehow I feel i can breathe a little more now as the days go by. And Im getting a little less tense and worried.. Just trying to see how things go. Anyway , Anan's birthday came and wemt. It was nice meeting the rest after some time and travelling back with kevin not knowing that the ones in the lorry were listening to all our conversations. Hahaha.. Met the girls at Causeway Point 2 days ago.. That was pretty fun. Went shopping for matching *---* and were very pleased with our purchase. Then we went for dinner very ambitiously only to have Vic insist suddenly that she wasnt hungry and we eventually ended up with chicken, calamari and mango salad(thanks sai).. Then we decided to take some pictures and as usual we never fail to embarrass ourselves.. We ended up going to admiralty for our shots. Of course, we managed to get ourselves a photographer. Actually, he didn't have a choice. (sorry.. haha) And we learnt that Sai can behave really drunk when she wants to (remember "Uncle GSS going on, no discount ah??"), that Vic sucks at scaring people, except in photographs, she is a pro. Lol... oh well, and ill never forget that Malay guy who kept saying "Shhhh!" It was such a crazy night and it's been a while since i laughed that hard. Thank you babies.. and thank you to you too, for letting us amuse ourselves although you had a paper the next day :)

It's Sunday... aaargh

2008-06-22T21:39:00.013+08:00

I know your different. i know you're genuinely nice... But am i nice enough? That worries me..

Anyway it's Monday tomorrow.. *Groan* Such a looooong week ahead, with class visit of pre-schoolers and tonnes of weeding and counter and customer service and fake smiles and issues to handle.. Arrrgh..... I need a break.

Anyway here are some very random shots after i cleared the camera..Some snaps from work and of the heartthrob-Rahul :)

.

Hello again

2008-06-06T22:29:00.009+08:00

After what feels like eons, I am back. Haha, really been so caught up with work and projects and 'fun with tots' preparations and holiday specials and what-nots, till I hardly have the time for anything. Oh well, feels good to be off this weekend :)

After many many days, I finally managed to meet up with Ms. Vickneshvary. As usual, an outing with her is automatically packed with its fair share of embarrassing moments and terrible predicaments, right darlin? Haha. We went to City Hall with the intention of trying out the new LJ meal but ended up sprinting to Suntec instead cuz we realised we had made 2 poor souls wait for us. During this mad dash, we also managed to royally mess up technical issues as well. How we successfully do these things, I haven't got a clue. :) Since we were at Suntec, we went to Fish & Co. for dinner. What happened there, I don't even wish to mention. It would majorly spoil both our markets so it's better kept silent. *winkz*

The highlight was of course our sense of direction as we cleverly managed to lose our way between the towers and kept staring up at Toys R Us each time we tried a different route. That was completely exhausting. I think it's been a while since I had such a workout. Haha. It was madness. We just never could find our way. I had never been more happier seeing the Underpass to cityhall station, till today..

Although we were lost, being the productive souls we are, we did some productive things as well. :) This, Im very pleased about. We even managed to stop for ice-cream before finally taking the train back. Despite the walking and getting lost and tiring ourselves, I must say, it's been a while since I laughed this hard :)The craziness of today aside, i'm pretty disappointed and upset with the realisation of certain truths. Pretty angry as well. never ever wanted to be in such a position. :(

2008-05-19T21:37:00.023+08:00

These pictures are pretty overdue. But here goes.. The two birthday boys- Vjay's birthday and Naren's birthday .

Double birthdays

2008-05-19T21:37:00.022+08:00

These pictures are pretty overdue. But here goes.. The two birthday boys- Vjay's birthday and Naren's birthday .

The birthday boy...Sai and VjayMe with VjayFinally....

My "uncle" Sarjune :)Birthday boy
Karthik, Prabhu, Naren Power of ThreeVic's happening poseGroup shot

Storytelling

2008-05-09T20:37:00.002+08:00

"When can we read that story?"
"When I do storytelling next time."
"Are you doing it next week?"
"No im not"
"Then who is?"
"I don't know. Another librarian"
With a frown, " Then when are you gonna tell us stories again?"

Awwww!!! That was the most rewarding sweetest moment ever. When I thought I was going to screw up so bad.. I love that kid.. He made me smile after such a backbreaking (literally) day...

I like....

2008-05-08T21:17:00.001+08:00

What if you slept ?

And what if,
In your sleep
You dreamed ?

And what if,
In your dream,
You went to heaven
And there plucked
A strange and
Beautiful flower ?

And what if,
When you awoke,
You had the flower in your hand ?

....Ah, what then?

-Samuel taylor Coleridge

Footprints of Angels

2008-05-07T22:43:00.002+08:00

Ok... I think it is time I make it clear that I'm alright. Im not suicidal-yet.. Haha... I've had a couple of darlings asking me what is going on and why I sound down and stuff.. It was so sweet receiving those messages.. made me feel like I wasn't alone..

But guys, Im ok.. Just the usual confusions and tears.. Im ok.. Work is killing me too, and the morons I tend to meet while on duty don't make it any simpler :) I will be alright in a bit.. So don't worry..

Besides I know Im blessed with the footprints of so many angels in my life whom i know will be there with a shoulder and tissue paper should I need to let stuff out.. And you all know me.. I NEVER keep everything to myself.. Those who mean alot will definitely know whatever goes on in in my life, even if not everything, to a certain extent.. I never keep things away from them and I know that no matter what, they will understand somehow.

So yeap, Im ok... Just havent been writing much cuz of the weird schedule i'm having and the many many things pending to complete.. oh well.. :) Once again, thank you ...

Tadpole's Promise

2008-05-02T17:53:00.002+08:00

Where the willow tree meets the water, a tadpole met a caterpillar.He is her shiny black pearl and she is his beautiful rainbow.They gazed into each other's tiny eyes...and fell in love.
"I love everything about you," said the caterpillar. Being a tad bit too bossy, caterpillar insists her shiny black pearl should always remain the way he is.
"Promise you'll never change." And foolishly the tadpole promised...
But we all know that tadpoles don't stay the same, and neither do caterpillars.
Will they still be able to love each other?

Well, I was extremely disturbed at the end of the book and couldn't help wondering how this book was considered a childrens' collection. I was so shocked. Basically, the caterpillar gets disappointed time and time again with the tadpole as he doesn't seem to keep to his promise by remaining her shiny black pearl. He loses his tail and grows limbs and so on and she feels betrayed. She can't understand why he breaks his promise to her when she faithfully remained as his pretty beautiful rainbow and she cries herself into a deep sleep, all the while dreaming of her love. One day, as she wakes up, she is so caught up in thoughts about her black pearl that she graciously decides to give him one last chance because she truly loved him. However she is so caught up with wanting to see her love that she doesn't realise she has changed into a very pretty butterfly. She flies off to the place where the willow tree meets the water, but instead of a shiny black pearl, she sees a big frog on a lily pad. Determined to find her lover, she askes ever so politely, "Excuse me, but have you seen my shiny, blac..."

But mid-sentence------ GULP!

The frog very quicly grabs her in his mouth with his tongue and swallows her and then lets out a sigh wondering where his long lost love, his beautiful rainbow could be....

As disturbing as it is, it is driving something home as well.. How we sometimes make irrational demands on each other. How we expect that someone to be who we want them to be. How we want that someone to fit into our image of them. How we get unhappy when things don't go our way.. And also how when we finally wholeheartedly open up to someone and prepare to be with them, we get 'eaten' along the way.. When the other party never really gets to see how much we wanted this to work and how eagerly we were ready to make it... It just never gets known and the story ends there....

Haiz

2008-04-30T23:41:00.001+08:00

AAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

I just wanna go to some mountain top and scream my lungs out!!!!!

WHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYY????????????

Definitely, Maybe...

2008-04-30T21:42:00.001+08:00

This is a beautiful movie.. But got me depressed for several reasons.. Haiz...

TIKKI TIKKI TEMBO - NO SA REMBO - CHARI BARI RUCHI - PIP PERI PEMBO

2008-04-25T20:26:00.005+08:00

Haha, strange opening title? That's one of my favourite stories for storytelling :)

I am so extremely exhausted.. Seriously... And losing my voice too, I think..

Storytelling for 2 sessions in a day is no joke, at least not till you get used to it.. Plus the travelling from Woodlands to Bukit Panjang back to Woodlands doesn't help either.. To top it all off, I had to clock in 11 hours today.. Now, that was highly depressing. And here I am, in the office on a Friday night, waiting to knock off.. Sad life..

Anyway, moving on, I think I want to get away for a bit.. To think.. To resolve some unresolved issues.. To clear my mind, to sort out emotions, to try to prepare myself for what's coming up and to ensure that I can breathe again.. Right now, I feel lost. In a way, I'm pretty glad so much of time goes to work and watching little brats run around.. Keeps me distracted a little (though I think I may never wanna have kids of my own in the future) ..

Oh well, all that aside for now, IM OFF THIS WEEKEND!!! Yay!! Feels like eons since I had a good sleep.. Half an hour more and Im off :)

Have a great weekend, guys!!

exhausted

2008-04-12T23:19:00.002+08:00

This week has been really really exhausting... I am amazed that I lasted.. What with working through the weekend and countless counter duties and courses at TP and observation by IFLA members from Nepal and handling school accounts and picking out stories and briefings and meetings.. And a chalet to top it off.. I really am sooo tired now..

Coming back from the chalet in the morning and then having to stand in front of the stove and make dessert was pretty crazy.. Just came back from Appachi's house where I had to run from the dog and have kids constantly jumping on our laps and at the same time, having to ensure that they don't land on my terribly blistered and plastered feet.. this has been one crazy week..

Vishu is coming up.. That's something to look forward to :) nice to see the kids again.. Nice to sit down with them all and catch up... And nice to finally just sit down... Sigh!!

Oh well, anyway Im off for now to catch up with sleep... Night:)

Neelu's 12th

2008-04-01T23:14:00.019+08:00

I cannot believe my luck.. Off tomorrow and Thursday and working over the weekend till next Saturday before I get another break. I think I may collapse.. I'm so tired and sleepy and aching all over..

Neleena's party was extremely exhausting as well.. Watching 3 kids simultaneously almost drown in the pool was enough to drain any last bit of colour from my face.. Luckily Lavin was around to pull the boy out and some kind swimmers nearby pulled the other two out.. On top of all that we had Ahmish's moment of falling into the water.. I could have fainted. The poolside party was a terrible idea.. grr!! Oh but Nikki baby was so gorgeous.. just felt l

I miss everyone.. Miss talking to everyone.. Miss hanging out and spending time.. Miss having a life.. haiz.. Soon.. I hope.. Im waiting for the 26th now :)

aargh

2008-03-25T23:31:00.002+08:00

I'm so exhausted.. I can't believe what utter lazy bums some people can be and the extent to which people take advantage of services.. really, it's super annoying,especially when your the one facing these idiots.. Haiz, I don't want to look at another database for a long time..

I wish you wouldn't do this....

Panda

2008-03-24T20:14:00.002+08:00

I have never felt more like a panda bear than today.. My eyes are puffed up and dark circles are obvious.. And Im soo sleepy and exhausted..

Thank you for staying up with me last night although you had work as well.. Thank you for not leaving me alone when I felt like crap.. And thank you for being so patient as I sobbed non-stop.. I really don't know how I would have handled it all otherwise.. It felt good being able to let it out.. Thank you.

And now Im going to try to get to bed. A terribly long tiring day at Jurong awaits me tomorrow. Haiz.

Grrr

2008-03-22T11:35:00.002+08:00

When I ask You for a sign, it doesn't translate itself as give me a shock first thing in the morning from the most unexpected source. Nor does it mean add on to complications.. Haiz.. Someone needs to tell You that You're really not funny..

The Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane

2008-03-21T11:13:00.007+08:00

" And so Edward Tulane became Susanna. Nellie sewed several outfits for him; a pink dress with ruffles for special occasions, a simple shift fashioned out of a flower-covered cloth for everyday use, and a long white gown made of cotton for Edward to sleep in. In addition, she remade his ears, stripping them of the few pieces of fur that remained and designing him a new pair.
"Oh," she told him when she was done, "you look lovely."
He was horrified at first. He was after all, a boy rabbit. He did not want to be dressed as a girl. And the outfits, even the special-occasion dress, were so simple, so plain. They lacked the elegance and artistry of his real clothes. But then Edward remembered lying on the ocean floor, the muck in his face, the stars so far away, and he said to himself, What difference does it make really?Wearing a dress won't hurt me. "

That was a teeny excerpt from the book " The Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane". Go ahead, laugh.. Yes, it is a kiddy book.. It's meant for lower primary or upper primary kids.. But the thing is, it's not childish.. The story line is sweet. I remember staring at Galvin when he recommended this book to me. Come on, a grown up, 29 year old guy telling me to give it a shot. He said it was different. And it is. It's a very moving story that revolves around giving and love and warmth..

Edward Tulane was a very selfish, self-centred rabbit made of China. He was a favourite toy of little Abilene who loved him a whole lot. But he never cared about her. All he cared for were his fine clothes and gold pocket watch and the admiration people showed when they saw him. He lead a life of luxury and indulgence as Abilene took him everywhere and sweetly reminded him that she loved him. However , a trip on an ocean liner and a terrible accident of being thrown overboard, changed Edward from remaining as his terribly selfish self. He gets caught in an old fisherman's net a year later and faces his first real emotion, fear.

Edward then lives with the old fisherman and his wife and takes on the identity of Susanna. The humble dwellings and the sweetness of the couple make him softer and warmer. However misfortune befalls him and he ends up in a garbage dump, with his clothes tattered and torn and is soon picked up by Bull and his dog, Lucy. He enters into a life loaded with adventure with his new name of Malone,as he travels with Bull and the other hobos. Listening to their campfire songs and getting familiar with them teaches him the art of listening to those you care about. And his heart opened up more than before.

After quite some travels with them, he is again tossed away in an accident and chances upon other people and ends up as a scarecrow tied to a fence, his worst humiliation yet. There he gets rescued by little Bryce who takes him home to his little sister, Sarah Ruth, who is dying. Sarah Ruth calls him Jangles and holds him cradled in her arms so tightly each day with such sweetness and tenderness that Edward's heart goes out to her and he starts wanting to help her and do anything he can to keep her. But one day she dies, and Edward realises he did indeed have a heart when he felt it break.

Bryce and Edward take to the road and Edward is thrown against a counter by an angry chef, which leaves him with a broken head. Bryce sacrifices the rabbit, the only memory he has of his sister when he leaves Edward with a skilled doll maker who could repair him. There, Edward sits on the shelf and ponders about his life, a changed rabbit, one with love to give and warmth in him, no longer the proud and selfish Edward he used to be. Many years pass and finally, in the shop of the doll maker, Edward is unexpectedly discovered by someone who has always loved him..

Very very touching and sweet when you actually read it.. Kate DiCamillo's 'The Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane'..

Padawan

2008-03-19T22:41:00.006+08:00

Ok guys, for those of you who were trying to help me figure this out.. Lol.. I gave up and I refused to ask more people..

Padawan :

" Whats's a Padawan?"
" Why you scolding me now?"

Source : Paul

"What's a Padawan?"
"Huh, is it an english word?"

Source : Sailaja

"Whar's a padawan?"
"its basically someone taken under the wings of a jedi knight or master and receives training"

Source : Jairaj

A student of the force. A learned youngin. One that has the ability to posses great power, but has yet to achive all knowledge of the force. One who wants to know more.

Until you are the master of masters, you are all someones padawan.

You are learning well my young padawan
Teach you I can not young padawan.
Too old to teach you are young padawan.

Source: Urban dictionary

Jedi Student / Youngling / Initiate: An unofficial title, this refers to a child with Force potential. (Also referred to as "Jedi Hopeful.") More accurately, Youngling is Galactic Basic slang for children of any sort. At a very young age, the Jedi initiates leave their homes and are assigned to a group for training. If a youngling is not chosen by any Jedi Knight or higher ranking Jedi to be their padawan apprentice by 13 years of age, the youngling is placed into another, lesser role in the Jedi Service Corps. Depending on where the student's talents lay, this may be the Agricultural Corps, the Medical Corps, or the Exploration Corps. A youngling is given a training lightsaber, less powerful than an ordinary one. It is revealed in Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones that the children train in small groups under the guidance of a teacher, such as Yoda, before their master is chosen and they become a padawan. ^[6]

Jedi Apprentice / Padawan Learner: A young Jedi that undergoes intensive one-on-one training under a Jedi Knight or Jedi Master after graduating from the academy. As tradition a padawan of any species with hair grows a long strand of braided hair that is finally cut off during the ceremony of knighthood, when a Padawan becomes a Jedi Knight. A Jedi may have only one apprentice at a time, and is required to promote the current apprentice before taking another. However, this idea was scrapped in a way by Luke Skywalker due to the severe shortage in actual Jedi, as mentioned in Star Wars: Jedi Academy.

Source : Wikipedia

A Padawan, Padawan learner, or Jedi Apprentice in Basic, was a child, or in some cases an adult, who began serious training under a Jedi Knight or a Jedi Master, chosen by the Knight or Master him/herself from the ranks of the younglings.

Padawans followed and helped their Master everywhere, unless seen unfit by the master, from simple tasks to dangerous missions, so that they learned from experience and personal guidance

Source : Paul and Wookieepedia-the Star Wars Wiki

After all the pondering, I end up at a Jedi-Sith Star Wars explanation.. Haiz.. Of all the things i ever thought I'd end up having to read about.. Haha.. Thanks.. Really.. :) It's all because of you.. Grr!!

Kelsey Briggs

2008-03-18T23:33:00.002+08:00

If you don't cry after watching this video, I have no comments.. I am so angry at her mum for letting things get this far and the last photo of her dad after he came home is just heart breaking.. The punishment her step father got was nothing in comparison to the grief and pain he caused.. Really the poor girl had so much ahead of her.. Her dad would have had so many dreams and plans for her..

Im just very very disturbed right now..

Someone

2008-03-16T20:43:00.002+08:00

Time seems to be flying by.. A bit too fast in certain matters and I'm scared..
I don't know what to do and i find myself constantly on the verge of plucking out each strand of hair from my head..

I wish it was easier..

I sometimes wish there was someone I could turn to without holding back, someone who would be there.. Someone who would never judge me, someone who would understand.. Someone I could cry to, someone who would let me.. Someone who would make me feel assured that everything will be okay, someone who would lead the way.. Someone I can trust with my life and someone who would stay.. Someone who would stick up for me and someone who would make my day.. Someone who would hold me and catch me when I fall.. Someone who will tell me what to do and put an end to this all..

Vivo with the Ladies

2008-03-16T15:12:00.027+08:00

Yesterday was pretty nice.. Went to J8 with Vic to shop for Rethish's present (got him perfume and a PINK t-shirt.. yay!!) Then we headed down to Vivo to wait for Sai so we could go have dinner.. Unfortunately Naren couldn't join us and I was really really hoping to see Selva after so long but such a pity that he works odd hours.. Oh well.. Anyway we explored Vivo quite a bit and tired ourselves out big time and when we started freezing we decided to get Subway cookies and sit around till Sai came..

Once Sai arrived, we went to the White Dog Cafe where these sweethearts treated me to a birthday dinner and brought me presents.. I was really touched listening to the many plans they had been attempting- their Sentosa trip, (tt just freaked me out) , the greetings recording(that one really touched me), Sai's intention of secretly messaging someone to turn up, it was all so thoughtful.. I felt so loved and special.. After dinner we headed out to take pictures while carefully keeping an eye on our surroundings to ensure that there would be no repeated cockroach attacks.. It was nice just sitting around and crapping over dinner and taking many shots in various idiotic poses.. ( Sai, I still think you should have sat next to that guy and snapped a pic.. lol) All in all, I was glad I gave in to Vic initially on the Vivo plan and that we stuck to it yesterday cuz it was beautiful, though Vic, I cannot forgive you for preventing me from buying that chocolate from Candy Empire!! Hmph!!! That was just plain cruel.. It was in front of me..Those were some snaps from yesterday night.. As happy as I was, I won't deny that I was pretty disappointed.. With some things.. Some things that I wish were different.. I just wish they knew how much it would have meant.. Oh well..

Happy Thursday

2008-03-13T23:16:00.005+08:00

Work was extremely tiring today... And the shoes were not helping in any way.. Woodlands to Bukit Batok and back to Woodlands on work is not funny.. I was so tired.. Thanks to Geeta who met me for lunch and ensured I escaped another lonely lunch hour.. Haha..

Today was a beautiful day actually.. Learnt quite a bit at work, although Roy highly traumatised me by making me do the public announcement over the PA system suddenly.. That was pretty scary.. But oh well, got to get used to it..

Met Vic after work today ( I won't forget how you made me run around the platform though..) .. Met a creepy guy tryin to sell insurance.. Went to a super crowded toilet as she balanced her make up pouch and my jacket while I quickly brushed my hair and powdered to try to look more sane.. The after work look is highly un-glam.. Babe, thanks for diligently following my list and bringing me what i needed minus the plaster.. Grr..
Met Vijay after that at Orchard.. It was a pleasant evening except that we were both drained out and quiet.. And I really couldn't eat my pasta.. It was mammoth sized.. And somehow I guess my panic hearing job descriptions kind of made me lose my appetite also.. I think this is the problem being female, and NOT the high heels, k?? Lol... thanks a bunch for the gift .. It was really sweet and Im touched at the effort you put in to pick it up.. Thanks..

The sweetest thing of all awaited me when I got home.. Litle Priyanka sweetheart actually passed my mum a present for me today.. She chose it and packed it herself complete with a little card with a heart drawing and 'Rashmi Chechi' written all over.. That was the sweetest thing I have ever seen.. And the sincerity and giving mindset that i child posseses is amazing..

Turning 23 from morning till night

2008-03-10T23:07:00.026+08:00

God's gifts from heaven.. truly.. From dragging me out of bed in the morning, to scampering around my house, to getting me Mac breakfast, to dancing and make-up, to rehearsals outside the auditorium to pink flowers to a home baked cake with 12 huge candles , to laughing on stage with sticks, to barbequed stingray and Hokkien mee, to slacking together at night to hugs and kisses and lots of love all around.. You guys made me have the bestest birthday.. *big wet kisses* This is what friendship is about and in that sense, Im truly blessed..

23rd

2008-03-09T11:12:00.003+08:00

Yesterday was possibly the most beautiful day ever.. Felt so loved and happy all day...
I thought I was going to die after Friday evening's rehearsals and the drive back home and all.. And I was so scared something was bound to go wrong yesterday with the dances as well.. But I couldn't have asked for anything better and I wouldn't have wanted it any different, except maybe the un-glam moments in the morning.. Haha

I went to sleep on Friday night after all the wishes and all and suddenly woke up to someone saying 'Rashmi, Happy Birthday'.. I woke up to stare at Vasaantha's and Sasi's face.. I was so stunned that I couldn't register what they were holding in their hand.. I mistook the little cake for a jewellery box and had to look at it for a while first before realising.. Then Vas told me to go wash up and I obediently listened.. When I came out of the toilet, I was met with the sight of Vic scampering around in my room and I was more confused and then Bhavani popped out with a cake and led me to the living room.. Then I saw Anan and Vjay join the group.. I was really really surprised.. I mean these people set alarms at 4.30am to wake up and get me my McDonald's breakfast that I was craving for for the last few months and get the cake and turn up under my block and coordinate the plans with my mum.. Seriously.. I was really touched.. Thank you guys..

After Bhavani and the boys left to catch some sleep, the girls and I were slacking around, chit-chatting and snapping more unglamorous shots.. I was just glad that I was decently dressed when I went to bed on Friday night.. I cannot imagine the embarrassment if I wasn't.. But still my 'just-out-of-bed' look is quite disturbing.. Please girls, next time, a little more warning.. haha

Then I got the shock for the day.. Went to Sunplaza to get a little something for the little kids and met Vimal there who said I would need his gift during the show.. He was sweet enough to actually turn up in pink.. :) But the present... I still think your mad.. Really.. Just be glad you weren't in front of me when I opened it.. This way, you only got me demanding answers over the phone.. And although I was honestly really touched by it to think about what I would like to get sometime and all, I still think your crazy.. Really.. Don't try to convince me otherwise.. not working.

We rushed down to DBS, late as usual.. Practised our dance once.. Forgot the kids' umbrellas, ran around the changing room asking aunties for umbrellas.. Managed to settle everything.. got into costumes that left us looking like sacks of potatoes.. ended up looking like village girls gone wrong and finally did our dance.. Poor Priya did so well with her sprained neck.. And Im so relieved that dance had no screw ups like I feared.. I got a birthday kiss from each little kid and I was rushed off to change for the next item.. The Daandiya was really fun.. We were all playing on stage and having fun.. Preeti and I were practically laughing throughout.. And we pulled it off :) .. I was so glad that it went well.. Anan proved to be such an angel to come in last minute and learn that whole piece in a day and pull off the whole thing.. Really really good..

After everything, we all just hung around outside the audi talking.. met Divyah chechi, Geeta and Sailesh.. Saw the little 'R' pendant they got me.. So sweet.. Was nice seeing them all there.. Then Bhavani turned up and came to talk.. I was so caught up in conversation with these people that I didn't realise what was happening behind.. I was stunned when I heard people singing Happy Birthday and turned to see a cake lit up for me.. I was so shocked.. Suchitra aunty actually took the trouble amidst the rush to bake me a cake.. I was soo touched.. And the cake was just amazing.. Really really sweet of her..

Then these people actually got my mum's permission to take me out after the show for dinner and promised her that I won't be late.. We all headed down to Chomp Chomp at 11 or so and had dinner.. It was beautiful.. Surrounded by people you adore, just sitting down casually and sharing food and drinks.. Nothing beats that feeling.. I feel truly blessed and lucky..

Thank you so much guys..

Thank you guys for this really memorable surprise.. I am so touched and you guys really made my day.. For all the wishes, all the love and all the efforts.. For losing sleep and driving me around.. For taking time.. For the way you guys did it all.. For assuring my mum.. For coordinating everything.. And all of you who danced, thank you for that as well.. The weekly practises are memories worth cherishing on their own.. Vic darling, I know you took a lot of trouble getting through my mum with my ever-engaged line.. Thank you baby.. I know you were having exams and all.. But you still took the effort.. I appreciate it.. Meant a lot.. And Vas and Sasi, you guys actually woke up early and came over with that tiny cake and even had to walk to that ulu Mac near your place.. Thank you.. Sai and Preeti.. You guys really made my day throughout the time at the audi, dressing and applying make-up and laughing and joking together.. Thank you.. Vjay, Anan and Bhavani for driving down so early from NTU and Woodlands.. For taking the effort and losing sleep, for the dinner pland, for the vouchers and for being such sweethearts.. Thank you.. Menuri, for the sweet gesture and for helping out at the show.. Divyah Chechi, Geeta, Sailesh and Gehe for actually coming down for the show.. Vicknesh for shocking me out of my wits with your rendition of 'All the raindrops'... Selva, for the sweet message that touched me early in the morning, Vimal for traumatising me with your extremely thoughtful gift, the spongebob drawing and coming down for the show and being stuck in the awkward moments after the show.. Suchitra Aunty for so sweetly baking a cake amidst the rush..Ganesh for almost missing my birthday.. Haha, but it was sweet.. Vijay for the e-mail and smses and the birthday song.. I was truly touched, thank you.. And Sudhir for calling from the causeway..That was totally unexpected.. All you guys, love ya loads.. And all the others who smsed and called.. Love ya all.. My 23rd was truly special thanks to all of you.. ***BIG wet kiss***

Rehearsals

2008-03-07T09:53:00.002+08:00

I am so stressed about the dance.. Normally rehearsals are fun events I look forward to attending cuz you get to play around and try out your dance and check out the other performances and all.. I have always loved rehearsals.. Somehow this time, I'm having butterflies.. The dances are scaring me.. I'm so worried about the kids and more than that, I'm worried about how good our memory is going to be with regards to remembering our own steps.. And the other dance, we haven't done it properly with all 6 of us yet.. So that's a muddle too.. Haiz.. And have I mentioned the costume? Lol.. After designing so much and stuff, I tried it on yesterday and I look like a sack of potatoes.. Seriously.. It's soooo terrible.. Sai is yet to be shocked.. But then again, that girl looks good in everything..

I'm happier today.. Firstly, it's Friday.. Which means the working week is over for everyone else.. Which means someone is coming home soon.. :) And another reason being something else which I shall not mention.. I'm just glad I went online in the afternoon yesterday, that's all.. :)

Met Bhavani yesterday on our way to pick costumes.. And I must say, she is quite lost when it comes to addresses as well.. Haha.. Thanks, babe.. Thanks for making us walk all over Bishan and eventually end up takin a cab to the guy's house.. I don't understand why he lives in such an ulu place.. And the neighbour's dog... My goodness!! I almost jumped out of my skin.. Anyway it was really nice meeting up with her yesterday after a long while and walking around AMK with my torn paper bag and having a simple dinner and catching up on everything that's been happening.. Missed ya babe.. Seeya later at the rehearsals.. :)

Just mailed the graduation forms to let them know I'm not attending the function.. Really can't be bothered to also.. Still got a mountain of forms to fill before Monday morning.. Haiz.. It's pretty depressing actually, considering the possibility o not being able to attend many functions and parties anymore thanks to the weekend shift involved.. I would even probably miss Neelu's party that I'm supposed to help to organise.. :(

Anyway got to go packing things up before I leave for tuition.. Got a long day ahead.. Ciao!!

Multiple Emotions

2008-03-06T10:14:00.004+08:00

You know how it is when people sometimes undermine the credibility of those around them and tend to overestimate their own intelligence.. They get so caught up in gloating over their 'so-called' upper hand over the situation that they fail to realise that sometimes the quieter ones tend to overtake them with their reasoning, and reality smacks them really hard on the face when they find out that all along they have been living in a state of delusion trying to be smarter than the others and praying for the downfall of the rest.. Well, all I have to say is, I hope your steady enough to take the blow when it comes.. I will pray for you.. Never thought there would come a day when I type out such an entry.. But well, right now, I can't help it.. Oh well..

Your only friend

2008-03-05T14:15:00.002+08:00

You know how sometimes you feel like you're all alone? I mean, you do have people around you and all, but you feel this certain emptiness within? Something you can't explain.. You try to pull back from those close to you cuz you fear hurting them.. Yet you miss them not being around .. You cannot blame circumstances or fate for the way things turn out, cuz you know that ultimately these things could't be helped..
And then there are the those whom you feel misunderstand your actions.. Those whom you felt that you could trust the most, those you always knew would understand you the most, those you expected to know why you did each thing you did.. These people when they misunderstand you or resort to trusting their gut feelings and assumptions rather than talking it out with you.. Nothing beats the feeling of that disappointment felt and you just decide to move away cuz you know the trust that you believed in, no longer remains..
Then there are the few that do things unconsciously with no intention of hurting you.. Yet you can't help but wish they would for a while, just stop and think about what they are doing and how that may affect you..That they would be a little more sensitive to your feelings..
And then the few who never let you know what they are thinking.. Who choose to keep you in the dark about what goes on in their minds and just expect you to follow.. You follow blindly, just trusting them and trusting that they wouldn't let you fall eventually.. But would they?
And then the ones who move away cuz they feel they will hurt you by being near.. These ones I wish would just talk it out instead of deciding the path themselves..
And then the many you don't hear from or see around as the days go by and then you start to realise that things will never be the same.. The days you remember fondly will be nothing more than a memory, one that you can only look back upon and never have again..
Sometimes all you have is yourself..

Fur Trade Cruelty

2008-03-05T10:54:00.002+08:00

A video on animal cruelty targeting at the fur trade.. I couldn't complete watching it.. It's really cruel and the part where the skinned raccoon turns its head towards the camera really is painful.. Please discourage the fur trade.. Watch the video and you'll know why..
Pledge to go fur-free at PETA.org

Budhia

2008-03-04T11:24:00.002+08:00

This was a documentary I caught yesterday and I was really disturbed by it. It focuses on a 4year old boy, 4 YEAR OLD who is being trained for marathons.. When I saw him lacing up his tiny running shoes and saw him sleeping in the jeep before his run, saw the way he put his food into the mouth, the way his head swayed side to side as he ran, all that came to mind was my 5 year old cousin.. So young.. So innocent.. I felt so sorry for this kid..

Budhia was born in the slums, the youngest of 4 kids and his mum had sold him off to a peddlar in return for cash to support the kids and her family.. He was abused by the peddlar at such a young age.. He used to get stoned after the guy came back drunk and he managed to get into the hands of Baranchi, who now claims to be his guardian..

Watching the video, I can't help but doubt Baranchi's genuine interest in the child's welfare.. I can't help but wonder if Baranchi would have treated his own child this way, whether he would have put his own son through such rigorous training and harsh conditions.. And when asked if he was worried that these methods of training could have severe impacts on such a young boy, he responded saying that if Budhia were to die, he would die a martyr, doing something proper.. How can you say something like that? I don't know.. This could just be my side of the issue, but I was just really disturbed..

I can't seem to find the final part of the documentary though, where Baranchi makes Budhia run in a 70km record breaking marathon under sweltering heat.. Where you see the poor kid dehydrated and exhausted halfway through the race, yet Baranchi refuses to give him a drop of water and instead lures him with the water bottle suspended above him to make him run.. Finally at 67km, after seven hours, the child just stops and his head rolls back, his eyes start to close and he starts having fits and throws up.. I thought the child would die.. Yet, after just an hour, Baranchi takes him back to collect his medal and meet the press and media and insists that the boy will still run in the future despite what healthcare officials have to say..

I just think it's really disturbing.. subjecting a small kid to so much pressure, adding muscle building protein and raw glucose to his diet at this age, and ultimately acknowledging the possibility that Budhia could die one day this way.. I just think it's cruel..

grin

2008-03-02T15:30:00.002+08:00

I'm much much happier now.. Thanks to conversations with two of you...
One who is willing to go out of your way to make my day and another who is willing to try to make an effort to make me smile.. Thank you, both of you..

*fingers crossed*

Last Lecture by Dr Randy Pausch

2008-03-01T18:54:00.003+08:00

This was something that moved me. His final lecture after knowing he has not much time to live, really tugged at something and shows his positive spirit and really pushes his message across.. Pursuing your dreams...

Happens, once, twice and it will happen again

2008-02-29T22:57:00.003+08:00

Just today I was saying I dare not think too much about my birthday...
Just today I voiced out how afraid I was of getting upset..
Just today I was thinking of how everything that happens twice happens thrice...
- New Year's was depressing
- Valentine's was heartbreaking
- Now this...
I just had a feeling that this year was just wrong.. Every event I anticipate goes wrong.. Some strange nagging thought kept bugging me that I would get upset next week.. I was right..

I was just telling Sai a few days back that I would really, really lose my mood and excitement for the show if this happened.. It would all seem pointless if it turned out this way.. And it has.. Whatever I was dreading so much has happened.. I took more effort this time for the show, took greater care in picking the jewellery and everything.. Put more thought into what I should change into when normally I throw on jeans and a tee.. Haiz.. Oh well...

Im not angry.. Or frustrated.. Just disappointed and upset.. I know it can't be helped.. I do.. And I'm trying to understand.. I did pray afterall, that things go well for you after the change of environment and I guess I got to accept that these things tend to happen..

I gave it till the 8th...

Hmmmm

2008-02-22T11:09:00.002+08:00

I think I might just breakdown and cry...
Keerthana has broken her arm and it's in a cast and the dance is in two weeks. Oh God.. I almost hyper-ventilated when mum told me.. I just hope she recovers quick, otherwise we need to give another girl an immediate crash course.. :( I dare not tell Sailu yet.. I think she will faint.. Such a blow.. Really... haiz..

Anyway, the show is approaching.. The stress level is mounting.. The costumes need to be stitched for both dances.. The jewellery needs to be picked out.. The songs have to be re-edited.. In between all this, I still desperately need a job.. Somehow Im dreading the 8th... Haiz.. Only thing Im happy about is that I get to see some of the people I really adore :)

Vic baby, please don't worry about doing anything for my birthday or anything.. Seriously, the telephone conversation with you yesterday made me feel very guilty cuz you are having exams and all and your so busy yourself.. I honestly don't mind and I'm really not expecting you to throw me any surprise or what.. So do not worry.. Don't have to keep asking me what I want or where I want to go or anything.. Just focus on your papers, k? Seriously.. Go ahead with your studying and finish your exams first :)

I really miss some of you guys.. Honestly..

I miss you for the times we used to spend around the bazaars.. For the rapid messages we used to send each other plotting on ways to meet for breaks.. For the travelling home and the wrapping of presents at fast food restaurants.. For having similar cravings as me..For staring at the large variety of chocolates around us and wishing we could have been locked in the shop for a day.. I really miss you...

I miss you for the slacking sessions we would have.. For the chicken rice lunches and the milo after.. For the Hershey's cookies and cream we would share.. For the times we would sit at the benches listening to MP3s.. For the times we'd be over-dressed for events..For the way you roam the arcade with me.. For the ways we'd run around from chalets to birthday parties and be ready to collapse by the time we are home..

I miss you for the times we'd have dance prac together.. For the times we'd meet at six and wait till ten for the rest to turn up so we can start dancing.. For the way we'd check out the Swenson's menu and go there for dinner after being tempted to get the lime soda, only to realise it wasn't what we had imagined.. For the way we go shopping for 'gargantuans' *winkz*

I miss you for our Thai express dates.. For the times we'd stare at our phones on my bed and will them to beep.. For the times we'd make prank calls to friends from my mum's shop.. For the times you'd come over for 'sotong' curry.. For the times you'd get abused by my little cousins.. For the times you make me dance in BK or almost topple down escalators with me while balancing a HUGE present from Toys ' R' Us... I miss you for getting me lost at East Coast.

I miss you for the way you impersonate 'Good evening, ladies and gentleman...' , I miss you for pointing out 'olives' to me.. I miss you for introducing me to the cheese hotdogs at Cavana.. I miss you for being my partner in crime at East Coast.. I miss you for stuffing me with gifts and leaving me stranded at Bugis while you take a cab to my house first.. I miss you for the times we had in BK with the aeroplane boys..

I miss you for the way you mistake brown for black.. For the way you don't give me answers to questions I'm curious about.. For the way you leave me wondering.. For almost making me run with your suggestions of getting me to try 'Reverse bungee'.. For never getting mad at my outbursts.. For being patient.. For calling and checking on me.. For asking me to make sure I try not to embarrass myself on stage since you're coming to watch..

I miss you for the way you put make up on me before I can even find time to protest.. For the way you show your concern by calling out of the blue and talking to me and asking what's up.. For the way you freaked out when we asked you to bring a spare t-shirt along.. For the way you offer a hug readily each time we meet.. For the way you made me a receptionist at a Spa for a day..

I miss you for the train journeys we shared.. For the canteen lunches.. For the trips to Clementi after work.. For teaching me the technicalities of capturing shots.. For the ways you plan things to make me smile.. For scaring me while I was on stage.. For the chocolates you stuff me with.. For making me crawl on a monkey's lap.. For shooting dinosaurs with us..For making me late for work :)

I miss you for the mee goreng at Newton.. For the many Hershey bars.. For your skilful canoeing.. For making me crawl around the arcade searching for tokens.. For calling me at night and asking me to repeat your name.. For constantly forgetting my name.. For wrapping presents with us.. For taking the umbrella away cuz you felt you shouldn't get wet.. For sharing your jacket even though you hated the fact that my top would leave glitter behind on your jacket..

Actually I miss a whole lot more of you.... But right now I got to run... I'll be back later.. :)

Dance

2008-02-18T19:48:00.004+08:00

I am ok.. Really.. I have had quite a few of you come check up on me to make sure I'm alright after reading my last few entries.. I feel so loved. Thank you.. But I'm ok.. Don't worry about me.. I'm back to running around between all the different commitments as usual :)

Speaking of which, we had dance practise yesterday and finally we snapped pictures of the groups.. The kids are sooooo cute...

Our Daandiya group.. Lol... Suchitra aunty, Ezek and mum at the back and me and Preeti in the front..(One guy missing though, if I were to reveal his identity, he has threatened to kill me)The kids- left to right: Neha, Sreeya, Keerthana and Priyanka.. :)

Sweet

2008-02-15T22:56:00.005+08:00

I was really touched today.. Seeing how friends care and show their concern..
How Sai darling wanted to come and stay over yesterday night at the last minute cuz she knew I was really upset..
How Vimal followed me for interview cuz I wasn't feeling good...
And the ultimate shocker was when Vic turned up with the teddy and CD with her message.. I was really surprised.. Wasn't expecting it at all.. Girl, thanks alot.. That really made me smile inside.. I was really touched by the gesture.. Felt so loved.. And the message was really sweet... Thank you.. Love ya loads..

Stoning at home

2008-02-13T15:50:00.002+08:00

Im currently stoning at home after being sent back with flu and cough.. Plus the fact that she wants me to stay back late on Friday and that there was nothing much to be done today.. I'm so exhausted already and I cannot imagine my condition at the end of Friday night.. And I had to open my big mouth and tell her I would come in tomorrow morning despite her telling me to stay home and just attend the interview.. Haiz..

I wonder if I am prone to sea-sickness.. The last thing I'd want is to start throwing up or something.. I would just jump down somewhere.. And Sai, if you suddenly find yourself coughing badly at 7.30pm tomorrow, babe, it's probably me scolding you and wishing you were in front of me so I could kill you!! You jolly well know why!!

I am confused.. Should I listen to Vjay's advice and keep it or Sai's advice and not keep it.. Hmm... One way I could regret never knowing what could have happened and the other way I could highly make myself seem like a psycho... Major dilemma.. Haha.. What's new, right?

Ramble ramble ramble

2008-02-12T17:19:00.000+08:00

So here I am, stoning at NTU cuz I ended work early at 4pm and just my luck, everyone happens to be in class.. Haiz.. Thank God for Vjay who happened to end early and bump into me and kindly passed me his laptop to keep me occuppied.. :)

Well,it's been two days since I started at NIE and believe it or not, I already dread it.. The distance for one, is torture.. Secondly, I had taken up this job thinking it would be near my friends as well but the Professor I work with has some strange idea that I'm her shadow or something and insists that I follow her everywhere and sit by her side every minute.. I can't even see my friends for lunch cuz of this.. Grrr!! And it's such a pity that NTU and NIE are sooo far apart in distance when you try gtting from my building to the benches at NTU by foot.. Haiz... I don't like the job as well.. I hate having to do things under constant supervision.. I also don't like the fact that she thinks I share some special bond with her that makes it possible for me to read her mind and know exactly what she is talking about without explaining the concepts to me.. I have so much troubl trying to figure out what she wants of me and when I do tell her that, she seems to think it'sa joke or says something sarcastic back..Im seriously only holding on for one reason.. Just one.. I don't have a choice.. I need to.. Otherwise, I would have left immediately.. :(

Why is it so difficult to find a place according to your liking in Singapore? Honestly I'm going mad with talks of ships and beaches and barnacles and bars.. Lol..Thank God for Geeta and Sai who so sweetly do internet research for me while I slave away at work.. Love ya both.. *muakz* well, girls, hope we succeed with our research :)

Anyway dear Vic, I still have no intention of putting up a list on the blog indicating what I want for my birthday.. There is only ONE thing I would really really want.. But that's beyond reach... Haha.. And if you ask me further,I'd say I want the moon or the stars or the clouds like what I ask from my brother every year and he ends up cracking his head to find something metaphorically suitable.. I shall spare you the touble :)

Insecurities

2008-02-09T17:34:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I feel I'm making a mistake.. That I'm going about things the wrong way.. But how can it be when it feels right? I have people coming to tell me that I'm wasting my time and I'm being ridiculous but I don't have the heart to change what I am believing in right now.. I know that if one day they were right, I'd pay a really really heavy price but right now, I'd so much rather keep my fingers crossed and pray...

Every word that's said, every opportunity that's created, every possibility that comes by is noted down in me so strongly.. So much so that I cannot let things go by when it doesn't go how it's supposed to.. Not that I don't understand circumstances.. I do, which is why I never ask why things are so, cuz I know I do not have that right to and I don't belong in that way yet.. All I can do now is be patient and hope for clues and reasons to smile..

I've always been pretty good at hiding my emotions and insecurities and fears from my family cuz I have always tried not to worry them.. I know how protective and possessive they can get and how much my grandparents and uncles feel the need to watch over me since Dad isn't around.. I know how frustrated and helpless they would all feel if I cried or let my emotions show.. So I have always managed to keep them out of my emotional zone.. No matter how upset I got, I could always hide it with them and be cheerful and playful around them as usual.. Not this time, though.. For the first time, I found myself excusing myself and running off to the toilet in a desperate attempt to try to hide the fact that tears were forming.. I found myself super quiet around everyone, even the kids.. I found myself rejecting the children's requests to play games with them, when normally I'm the one who initiates their games.. I found myself zoning out from the conversations.. I found myself slipping into deep thoughts only to snap out of it when I feel tears threatening to fall.. I found myself facing my Uncle at least three times, as he came to me and asked me to talk to him cuz he felt something was wrong and I had some issue eating me from inside.. It was all i could do to not just break down and cry...

I don't know why.. I guess cuz I feel trapped.. Cuz I have no answers to offer to anyone.. Cuz I feel I'm not able to reassure people on things they worry about.. Cuz I feel so helpless and lost..

To any of you reading this, don't ask me what I'm rambling about.. I rather not go into details, thank you...

Annoyance

2008-02-07T08:34:00.000+08:00

I am annoyed.. With a lot of things..

The dance is annoying me BIG time.. I think Sai will agree with me.. Never had I ever thought that working with little kids would be such a hassle.. I'm not complaining about all of them.. All of them are honestly super super adorable and given a chance, I'd kidnap them all far away.. It's just one.. One kid and the parent who constantly keep giving problems.. I have never felt so helpless and shocked at the same time before.. Haiz.. I just wish this would end soon..

And then not to forget how Im struggling to not show how much I just want to scream.. Really.. I seriously wish you could see how much I try to not affect you and feel miserable each time.. Im just hoping time will provide a solution..

Running Around

2008-02-03T17:11:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was a day of absolute madness.. Actually I asked for it, since I had to go volunteer to help to babysit the two little ones.. Here's the routine..

I ended church at 10.30am, after which i proceeded to Tekka to escort Ahmish to his 'Mridhangam' class.. Once he went in, I followed grandpa to Forum to pick Vaarsha from her Creative Writing class. Immediately we made our way back to Tekka to pick Ahmish up from his class, while feeding Vaarsha her lunch on the way.. Once we picked Ahmish up, we went to Waterloo Street, got Vaarsha to change and sent her for her Paattu and dance class. Then we went to Tekka for lunch. After stuffing Ahmish and ourselves, we went back to Yio Chu Kang to give Ahmish a quick wash and grab his abacus and stuff and send him to Thomson Plaza for his abacus lesson. Once he was sent, we went back to Tekka to pick Vaarsha up.. Finally I was dropped off at Little India station to take the train to Vivocity to meet Vas and Sasi, while my grandparents proceeded to make their way to Thomson Plaza again to pick Ahmish.

By the time i reached Vivo, I was ready to collapse and all I did was entertain the kids.. That's pretty hard work actually, feeding them and getting them to behave and listen.. Haha.. Hats off to my grandpa who drove all the way.. I developed this nagging migraine that refused to go off.. Annoying throbbing sensation on the right side of my head.. Aargh.. We went to Marche for dessert( I shall not comment further on that) .. Then walked around a bit but we were all so dead we went to the Banquet for dinner before heading home eventually, totally drained out..

Sasi.. The usual.. *winkz*Now, this is artistic ok?Three of us and the green shawl

Just came back from dance practise a while back and I must say, the kids are so super adorable that it takes a lot of effort not pinching their cheeks.. haha.. It's going to be pretty sad when all this ends in March.. :(

Should I or shouldn't I? I think I shouldn't....

Bundle of joy?

2008-02-01T21:29:00.000+08:00

I always believed that children are God's gifts and there is nothing more beautiful than watching your little kid asleep, or having a child fall asleep on you, or watching them take their first few steps, or seeing their faces break out into a wide smile when they see you enter the house after work or something.. Having them run up to you to be carried or realising how vulnerable and dependent they are on you is enough to melt anyone..

I don't understand how someone can bear to part with their kid because they feel the expenses are too high.. How they can leave their kid with their family overseas because they both are working and cannot look after the kid.. I don't get it.. How do you come home after that knowing that the familiar smiling face that was ever ready to greet you is no longer there? How do you go through your mornings knowing that the usual alarm clock that would start calling out for you is not there? How do you fall asleep at night knowing your baby is sleeping elsewhere? I don't think it's a valid excuse. I mean if you are working, then think of a way to manage.. Why have kids then if you can't? Why bring a kid into the world if you cannot offer the child your complete love or be able to show responsibility for the kid? What is more important than that child who needs you?

Ok, you know what.. I'm just really carried away by emotions for this.. I guess it's cuz I just played with the baby and carried her and stuff.. To each, his own opinions.. I'm off..

Disturbed

2008-02-01T16:43:00.001+08:00

I feel disturbed.. Seriously..

Girl, I wish you would let me in.. It hurts watching you in pain.. I wish you'd just let me talk to you or let someone else.. Stop shutting yourself away.. You're a diamond that's worth way more than you credit yourself for. Honestly... *hugz*

Watched Oprah today.. Channel surfing and for some reason I decided to just watch it.. BIG mistake.. I wish I didn't.. Felt emotions rushing back from the past.. a feeling I didn't want to experience again.. the intermingling of guilt and regret and sadness.. The emergence of issues and memories I had stuffed all the way at the back of my mind, hoping they wouldn't surface again.. Oh well...

I feel pretty useless with the job search.. It's getting depressing actually.. I just don't know what else to do now..

YaY

2008-01-30T23:16:00.000+08:00

That made all the difference!!! :)

Ok.. i'll try to stop behaving like a crazy woman... Haha

Sleep

2008-01-30T20:31:00.000+08:00

I feel weird...
Am gonna try to sleep.. Somehow..
Take two 'polaramine' or 'fedac'.. That should do the trick..
Staying up keeps me thinking a bit too much...

Today

2008-01-29T22:17:00.000+08:00

Hmmm....

:)

*btw it was brown, not black.. But then again, I wouldnt have minded even if you really thought it was black .. haha

Happy Birthday Vic

2008-01-25T22:57:00.000+08:00

Yesterday we successfully celebrated Vic's 22nd.. I must say we are pretty excellent party planners.. Haha.. Managed to upset her with news of rehearsals that would prevent us from meeting her and acted as though we had no clue what she really wanted for her birthday.. However, SURPRISE!! We managed to get her all she wanted and more and even managed to scare her out of her wits with the news of a mud spa that awaited her.. Nothing beats the look on her face when she was told that the open-air Japanese spa thing was where we had fixed her an appointment.. That was a classic.. Im so glad we managed to pull this through.. That smile on her face made all the trouble and aches worthwhile.. :) The flowers, the photoshopped pictures, the wrapping, the card, the clothes, shoes, bag and the pretty cake.. It all seemed so worth the effort :) And not to mention slacking at Esplanade library to watch 'Kaadhalan', smuggling in cans of milo and bars of chocolate.. It was really memorable...

A big thank you to Sailu for being a wonderful partner in crime, to Chitra for her genius plans in traumatising Vic and playing along with us, to Selva for coming down in the midst of work and helping with the wrapping and preventing the flames from going off on the cake.. :) To Naren for coming down at such short notice and helping me with the bags and for collaborating with us throughout... To Vimal for rushing down after work and joining us and for not complaining about our madness while watching 'Kaadhalan'.. :)

Thaipusam

2008-01-24T09:17:00.000+08:00

I went for Thaipusam.. No, no it's not a new thing going for it but the experience this time was totally different.. I normally just get off the train, find a spot in front of Park Mall and stay there and watch the procession of Kavadis.. This time, however I went with Sai and Vic, whose idea of Thaipusam was totally different. They walk along the route of the kavadis and go to the temple in that impossible crowd.. With Venket weaving his way through the crowd and being dragged along, to huge Kavadis and spikes sticking out in every direction and having to do stunts to get through the crowd, to getting shoved in all directions, boy, was I traumatised.. Haha.. I have never felt so lost and traumatised before.. Girls, no more!!!! Hmph!!

But the best part of the evening was how we all turned up in Orange and looked like we were in uniforms.. Venket was pretty amused.. :)

Raywin and Sangeetha

2008-01-23T11:06:00.000+08:00

Some pictures snapped during Raywin's wedding...And now, I wanna get married too... :(

Watch It

2008-01-22T10:30:00.000+08:00

This is something very few of us would understand and smile at.. Haha..

Now, this is sure to bring the tears on...

Shiv's 21st

2008-01-20T22:20:00.000+08:00

I think there is something seriously wrong with my head or something.. Constant migraines.. I think it's a result of thinking too much.. Too many activities.. Too many thoughts running about in my head I guess.. Dance and family and friends and life in itself.. Im stressed.. Majorly.. Oh well, Im sure things will get better..

Met Vaarsha darling finally and she was sticking to me all day.. Managed to get a biggg kiss from Ahmish also who, this time, has broken his finger (previously he broke the same leg twice) ..

Managed to get a few snaps from Shiv's 21st.. Not all.. Just a few...

There.. that's about a bit of everything... Of whatever I got.. Dance pics not yet..

I'm smiling today.... Won't say why... It's mine to know.. Thank you....

My Baby

2008-01-18T14:48:00.000+08:00

Time : 11.00a.m.
"Rashmi Chechi, are you coming here now?"
"No Molu, I'll come a bit later.. I don't feel too good.."
"But Rashmi Chechi, I am leaving for school at 11.30... Will you be here when I come back?"
"I have to leave your house at 6.00pm"
"But why? I'll only come home at 7.30!!"
"No da, I have to go for a job fair. That's why"
"Must you really go? Is it compulsory?"
"Yes it is, molu.. Why? Did you miss me?"
She giggles."Then can I see you tomorrow?"
"I'll definitely see you somehow before the week ends, okay?"
"Ok."

That was the sweetest conversations I had with her in months.. Really missed that kid.. Vaarsha never fails to make me smile.. After that extremely painful night I had rolling around in bed and almost fainting on my kitchen floor, and listening to my mum lecturing me about my habits of swallowing panadol extra without eating properly first, this was such a welcome conversation.. That is one kid I adore to tiny tiny bits.

From two to one

2008-01-17T14:31:00.000+08:00

I'm happy and sad at the same time.. Happy cuz of the way you are around me... Sad cuz of the same reason as well.. Everything happens for a reason, right? Right.

Ramona just got engaged a few days back and is getting married in June.. So fast! But I'm so happy for her.. After all the heartache and tears and everything, Im so glad it all worked out the way she dreamt it would.. Feels so strange seeing her single one minute and the next, I see her engagement pictures on Facebook. Can't wait for her to come back and fill us in on all the details.. :) It's so exciting seeing your friends getting engaged or married and planning stuff.. Benita and I were just talking about it, envying Ramona for managing to overcome all obstacles she faced along the way and ending up with her true love.. It's so beautiful.. That smile on her face.. That glow around her.. So pretty.. And the way that Dean was looking at her in the pictures.. Can see that he adores her.. So sweet..

It's strange I suppose.. Getting engaged... Having someone else in your life.. Sharing your life with another person.. It's no more a 'me' or 'I' thing but more of an 'us'.. Making decisions wouldn't be as easy cuz there is another person to think about.. Responsibilities kick in.. Changes in your lifestyle.. Lots of adjustments and sacrifices would come in, in terms of managing finances, going out, habits etc.. But I guess that's also the nice part.. The change.. The effect that someone else is going to have in your life.. The things you would learn along the way.. Being able to have an impact on another person.. Being able to care for someone.. Having someone there for you.. Having someone to lean on, to trust, to cry to, to laugh with, to complain to, to annoy, to love, to cherish, to be totally idiotic around and not feel stupid, to spend quiet moments with, to fight with, to share everything with and know for a fact they would always care and stick by you.. I guess that makes it all worthwhile.. Provided you meet the right one... :)

All weddings are similar, but every marriage is different... Something to think about..

smiling inside

2008-01-13T01:28:00.000+08:00

You made me really happy today..
Gave me that feeling inside that makes you wanna just keep smiling to yourself.. Thanks :)
After a long, long while, it really felt nice.. But it's also sad knowing it's not to last..
Thank you for saying what you did a few hours ago.. Something I would fondly remember. :)

Sent from Above

2008-01-12T00:02:00.000+08:00

I have always believed that I was blessed in the form of the friends that I have made throughout my school days and stuff.. It's true that I some friendships come and go and some last but end of the day, each one of my friends has never failed to amaze me with their affection and concern..

I have blogged several times about this friend who did this and that friend who did that.. One example would be about Sai and Vic's surprise for me with the chocolates when I was upset about taking the wrong shopping bag home.. Another one would be how my friends check up on me or stay on the phone when Im upset and stuff.. Almost everyday I feel so glad knowing that despite the problems I may face or the pains that come along the way, there is one thing I'd always be thankful for.. My friends..

And here is another entry to show my gratitude to 2 people in particular who made me smile in these two days.. One would be Vic and the other would be Vas.. Two angels.. Truly..

Vic did the most amazing thing.. She has very high patience level and a very strong passion for helping people I think.. I had this application form to fill that I couldn't do from home.. So I called Vic to help me do it and it was the most tedious, annoying, lengthy application I have ever come across. Seriously. It required so much information- each module taken, each grade, each CCA, the date joined( inclusive of exact day) and so on.. We took about two hours on it and this darling never got annoyed or complained.. true, she was whining each time a new page appeared to fill but she really patiently read each thing out and filled up all the blanks for me.. babe, I am seriously touched.. thank you..

Now, for Vas.. This girl meets me at Woodlands and goes to Causeway Point with me and listens to all my whining firstly.. Then she peels my prawns for me although she is vegetarian, just cause I have issues peeling them.. Then she walks around for a bit and then sees these earrings with crystals on them and stops.. She keeps asking my opinion on them and I keep telling her they are too costly.. Come on, twenty bucks per pair.. Then she asks me to pick a colour and I choose the green cuz I think it's really pretty. She says okay and she buys it while I disapprove of the price and refuse to buy anything cuz I'm super broke.. Suddenly she hands me the package and tells me it's for me.. Just like that. So sweet. And she waited for the bus with me and realising how late we were and not managing to get a bus, she took out some cash, stuffed it into my hands and told me to take a cab home, cuz she knew i was in deep trouble otherwise.. I was so amazed.. Thank you for being such a sweetheart..

My friends are seriously angels sent from above.. Truly..

Confusions

2008-01-11T10:27:00.000+08:00

I'm very very confused. How can one person be so completely different on two separate occasions? How can you make me feel so at ease with you one moment and so restless around you the next? I don't seem to understand. In fact, right now I think I'm more afraid and cautious. I'm afraid of getting hurt. Really. Haiz. To all of you who called or messaged me after reading my blog entry, thank you so much. You guys made me feel so loved. Especially the ones who spent their precious time at work and camp and all to call me and just listen to me and comfort me. Also to you, who followed me that day when I was upset. Thank you. You guys really made a difference. All of you :) I guess these are the times you know who are the ones who genuinely care and stand by you.. I think I know now. And I'm glad. *hugz*

Never

2008-01-09T23:18:00.000+08:00

You were right all along.. I was too naive...

I never was... Never am.. And never will be...

It's a very very depressing day... Never cried so much.. Never felt so miserable for a long, long time.. What wrong did I do? I never will know..

Oops!

2008-01-09T13:35:00.000+08:00

This is a really embarrassing situation caught on tape... Haiz... Depressing :)

2008-01-09T12:02:00.000+08:00

You know how it is when you feel you're stuck... Like everywhere you turn, you're cornered... Like people are waiting to break you?

I feel that way now...

I'm sick and tired of everything.. Really.. The people I look forward to each day and get excited to spend time talking to seem to not be there..

The people I believed would forever remain seem to show a different side...

The person I thought would always understand me better than anyone, left sometime back..

The person whom I felt like standing by and being with, seems cold...

It's depressing when you are falsely accused, when you are treated differently and when you feel like nobody seems to see your situation..

Sometimes you're the only friend you have... The only one who understands and the only one who remains I guess..

If only I could let it all out to anyone who would listen.. But those who would are those I cannot talk to about stuff.. Irony of it all..

Terrible terrible day... I just wish somehow I could end it all.. Im tired of crying inside everyday..

Sometimes

2008-01-07T21:46:00.000+08:00

Sometimes you just never realise things when you are in it..
Sometimes you are so keen on believing in fairytales that you let the reality of things slip you by...
Sometimes you feel so helpless as you watch things happen around you..
Sometimes all it takes is a bit of distance to see the truth in things...
And I think I slowly am..

I believed this was different.. I believed everything.. I waited with that dream in mind.. But I guess that was where it all stopped.. Dreams..

Yes, I'm upset.. And terribly disappointed.. Not with you.. Strangely I feel nothing of that towards you.. More towards myself.. For not taking your word, but everyone else's..

I just hope you get what you wanted.. :)

End of Chapter

2008-01-06T12:10:00.000+08:00

It's over...
Heard mum telling grandma that she feels there is no point anymore cuz it's just us waiting..
So I suppose that's it..
Much more easily said then done, huh?
All decide.. All plan.. All choose the outcome.. End of the day, I feel it...

That closes the chapter I guess...

Trio Meet

2008-01-06T00:01:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was beautiful.. After a really long time, felt like eons, we met up with Selva.. Finally managed to pass him his really long overdue presents and stuff.. The look on his face when he took out the book, the expression as he saw his jigsaw, the surprise at the photo on the t-shirt.. haha.. So cute.. And our stunts at trying to snap pictures together and the funny poses that materialised as a result..

The sweetest thing was that Selva got us huge packages each, saying they were overdue Christmas presents.. They were soo pretty.. I opened mine as soon as I got home and I couldn't stop smiling.. The lighted scenery was soo pretty.. Not to mention the huge box of Ferrero Rocher that came with it also.. Selva, you're the sweetest.. really.. Muakz! We really missed you.. And we are so sorry we tricked you into unrolling each tiny roll of parchment to find our message that was supposedly in one secret roll.. Oops.. never thought you'd believe us that easily.. Haha.. Hey, but i suppose it thought you patience.. :)

The birthday boy...making a wish...Feeding time....Selva and VicShe can't resist me..They started fighting over me...Selva won....But Vic wasn't happy and became upset, till I did my magic...

and that made her smile..Selva, us and his gift...Exploring the contents of the box..Vic's message..My message..Choosing our presents..Happy girls :)

Buzy Bee

2008-01-03T22:02:00.000+08:00

I am super super exhausted.. Really.. But somehow I like this feeling of rushing.. It drains every bit of energy out of me but at the same time keeps me occupied.. Keeps my mind off stuff.. Keeps me busy.. I will miss it when it's over.. Mayya Mayya is something we are all having fun doing.. Gori Gori is just a disaster.. Nee Varumpothu is scary considering the involvement of the kids also.. Today was just madness.. Meeting Aunty and Divyah Chechi for lunch and then dragging ourselves around Bugis for costumes and then walking all the way to Concourse in search of masks.. Topped it all off with dance practise.. I think I could collapse now.. Tomorrow is bound to be more tiring.. Haha..

Someone was really sweet yesterday.. Turning up at the station after my dance practise without informing me and catching me completely by surprise and following me back on the train ride.. That was really sweet.. You know who you are and I really appreciate it.. That was very thoughtful and super sweet.. Thanks.. :)

The countdown begins for the moment of truth.. Will I be right again or are you going to surprise me? I shall wait and see..

Messages

2008-01-03T16:37:00.000+08:00

I think I have a screwed up phone.. Just today I had two of my dearest friends ask me how come I didn't wish them for the New Year! I felt like crap.. Supposedly they sent me greetings and received no replies.. The thing is, if I didn't reply, it's definitely cuz I didn't receive anything.. I responded to every sms immediately.. Even to those people Im not very close to, I replied promptly, so darlings, please don't think I chose not to. I know on my own accord, this year I haven't sent any messages to anyone.. That's not cuz I cant be bothered but cuz I was having difficulty sending messages across on my phone and by the time I could finally do so, Lavin met with his accident. I just lost my mood after that.. So to the two of you who asked, babes, it wasn't intentional, k?

Talking about accidents, two of my male cousins from my extended family have met with bike accidents too.. Both awaiting surgery and one in ICU, I think.. Not too sure of the details.. It's really a depressing start to the year.. I can just imagine how hard this must be on their families.. I just wish my brother would see the consequences of these bikes and drop his idea of wanting the license for it.. Haiz.. I really hope those two recover soon...

Im having mixed emotions.. Seriously.. I wish I just knew what to do.... Just a sign, please...

Terrible start

2008-01-01T12:20:00.000+08:00

I think this must be my worst new year ever.. Really..

I had a feeling something was going to go wrong when I felt my right eye twitching all day.. Superstitions, perhaps.. But it was true...

I felt so exhausted by the end of dance and dressing up and dragging myself out for the family evening at Clarke Quay for the countdown was a chore on its own.. Never had I dreaded the countdown more.. After the countdown, we headed home while brother and Lavin decided to hang out longer, despite the protests from the mothers.. All was well till we came home.. I sat down and watched TV.. Somehow I just couldn't sleep.. I finally dozed off at about 3.40am and my brother wakes me at 4.15am or so.. He told me he had something to talk to me about and I sat up.. I got the shock of my life.. Rethish had left Clarke Quay early for some reason and decided to just get supper with Prem and left Lavin behind with his friends.. Lavin proceeded to MOS with his camp mate and while partying, some fight broke out there.. Lavin was innocently dancing on the first floor while the fight was on the second and things started flying around.. People started hurling ice cubes and stuff and suddenly, a glass bottle that flew from the second floor landed smack on Lavin's (bald) head and smashed.. The poor boy didn't even have a part in that fight and he was injured badly.. i suppose his skull must have cracked with the force.. The shards of glass cut his face in many places and he was bleeding.. I don't know how the hell he managed to withstand the immense pain.. I would have collapsed for sure.. He called Rethish to tell him what happened and Rethish began to panic and woke me.. I have NEVER felt so helpless in my life.. No means of getting to Lavin.. All we could do was call my aunty.. I felt like crap.. Didn't know how to get to GH.. No car.. Nobody we could get a car from for a few hours.. Terrible taxi fares we couldn't settle.. We just had to stay home and wait till morning.. Never had I felt this helpless.. I felt tears as I imagined Lavin all alone in the ambulance, bleeding and not being able to be there with him.. It was a horrible horrible night.. I only managed to fall asleep at around six plus and awoke by 8.30am.. Called aunty and found out he cracked his head.. Got stitches for that.. Scratched his face in many places and cracked the area around the bridge of his nose and received stitches for that too.. Poor guy.. Really.. I just wish these terrible things would stop happening to him.. He really doesn't deserve any of it..

Terrible terrible New Year.. Worst ever...

Orchard

2007-12-28T09:47:00.001+08:00

I have decided to put up long overdue pics of our night out at Orchard where we planned to see the lights but ended up getting stuck in the rain.. :)

At NYDC
The lovebirdsThe three of us
We were very nice to himUntil the story of the 108 coconuts came outTurkish delights

Haha Karthik's adventure caught on videoSai's M&M's dream come trueAt the M&M house.. soo pretty..Karthik's photography skills.. He successfully managed to take a picture of us with the ballerina, without the ballerina.. Haiz..

Thanks

2007-12-27T00:38:00.000+08:00

I'm exhausted and aching from top to toe.. I really hope all this pays off in the end and everything turns out perfect :)

I am really smiling inside.. Thanks to a few special people around me.. I don't think I need to mention anyone in particular.. I bet you all know who you are.. :)
- The one who made me feel so special two nights ago with the sincerity and affection
- The one who calls me and tells me to stay at the shelter so she can join me for lunch later
- The one who messages me telling me she wants to meet up one day to take me for a movie treat even I have forgotten about
- The one who volunteers to dig out passes for me to go to the Night Safari although I hardly even keep in touch
- The one who joins me and makes a fool out of herself at any shelter, even if it means it's in front of a live audience
- The one who makes me lunch cuz I'm hungry
- The one who insists I get a good lunch and not something simple
- The one who checks on me each time I'm out and ensures im home safe and sound
- The one who trusted me enough to allow me to do threading for her cuz I was bored
You guys rock.. I have other incidences I haven't written here but I love you all.. *Muakz*

My darling is upset... I wish I could do something to make things better for you, babe.. I tried but there is nothing else I can do but join you and wait with you till we get a response.. Whatever it is, please don't ever cry again and don't let this affect you so badly, k? It may seem like there is only rain now, but the Sun has to come out sooner or later and then you will see your rainbow, alright? I'm here with you throughout so don't ever crumble.. Cheer up and smile.. :)

Sometimes I wish I could just stop dreaming and wishing and hoping and waiting.. I do...

my fairytale

One White Cloud

Instant Tears

Wish

Horoscopes

Goodbye 2008

Xmas

Coincidences and Signs

How do you know

Breathless

Value of Time

I Love You Till The End

Only A Woman Like You... :)

So touching

A story :)

Affirmation

Listen with your heart

her tears

Guess how much i love you....

Sweet

...

Somewhere over the rainbow...

racing against reality

Thoughts

Many moons later

Flight of the Night Owl

Friday

One of the Enquiries.. :)

Pride

Yada Yada Yada

:)

Past Midweek

A Tribute

Rahul

Spasticness at its peak

It's Sunday... aaargh

Hello again

Double birthdays

Storytelling

I like....

Footprints of Angels

Tadpole's Promise

Haiz

Definitely, Maybe...

TIKKI TIKKI TEMBO - NO SA REMBO - CHARI BARI RUCHI - PIP PERI PEMBO

exhausted

Neelu's 12th

aargh

Panda

Grrr

The Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane

Padawan

Kelsey Briggs

Someone

Vivo with the Ladies

Happy Thursday

Turning 23 from morning till night

23rd

Rehearsals

Multiple Emotions

Your only friend

Fur Trade Cruelty

Budhia

*grin*

Last Lecture by Dr Randy Pausch

Happens, once, twice and it will happen again

Hmmmm

Dance

Sweet

Stoning at home

Ramble ramble ramble

Insecurities

Annoyance

Running Around

Bundle of joy?

Disturbed

YaY

Sleep

Today

Happy Birthday Vic

grin