Clouds or Not
by Carrie Harris
While I lay here
On the sandy beach
With the wind caressing my rosy cheeks
I look up into the empty blue sky
And wonder when a white cloud will come by.
My gaze is transfix to that empty blue
Just waiting for that cloud I knew.
Something whispers into my ear
Saying "Never give up hope My lovely dear."
Those few words
Touched my grieving heart
And my world starts to spin like a weaving dart.
Going back to those memories, that I hold so dear.
Making my soul ache, from that night of fear.
When my love was lost in those past years.
Before my love was lost to me
He said "look up in the sky
When it's empty and blue
And find a white cloud that nobody knew.
That will be me,
Looking down at you.
I promised, I will always love you."
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Instant Tears
Annal Mele Pani Thuli
Alaipayum oru kili
Maram thedum mazhai thuli
Ivaithaane ival ini
Imai irandum thani thani
Urakangal urai pani
Edarkaagha tadai ini
Yendha kaatrin alavalil malaridalgal virinthidumo
Yendha theva vinadiyil manaaraigal thirandidumo
Oru siruvali iranthaduve idayatile idayatile
Unadhu iru vizhi tadaviyathaal amizhnthuvitten mayakathile
Udhirattume udalin thirai
Adu thaan ini nilavin karai karai
Santhipoome Kanaakalil Silamurayaa Palamurayaa
Anthi Vaanil Ulaavinaal
Adhu unnaku Ninaivillaya
Iru Tharaikalai Udaithidave Perughiduvaa Kadal Alaiyae
Iru Iru Uyir Thathalikayil Vazhi solluma Kalangaraye
Unadhalaighal ennai adikka
Karai servathum kanaavil nighazhndida.
Alaipayum oru kili
Maram thedum mazhai thuli
Ivaithaane ival ini
Imai irandum thani thani
Urakangal urai pani
Edarkaagha tadai ini
Yendha kaatrin alavalil malaridalgal virinthidumo
Yendha theva vinadiyil manaaraigal thirandidumo
Oru siruvali iranthaduve idayatile idayatile
Unadhu iru vizhi tadaviyathaal amizhnthuvitten mayakathile
Udhirattume udalin thirai
Adu thaan ini nilavin karai karai
Santhipoome Kanaakalil Silamurayaa Palamurayaa
Anthi Vaanil Ulaavinaal
Adhu unnaku Ninaivillaya
Iru Tharaikalai Udaithidave Perughiduvaa Kadal Alaiyae
Iru Iru Uyir Thathalikayil Vazhi solluma Kalangaraye
Unadhalaighal ennai adikka
Karai servathum kanaavil nighazhndida.
Monday, February 2, 2009
Wish
My only wish for now...
To end up like Jamie.. in A Walk to Remember...
Perhaps then, people would realise that people matter more... More than rules, more than beliefs, more than anything else..
And I'd have at least a summer... Of bliss... That is all I ask for...
Landon: I'm sorry she never got her miracle.
Reverend Sullivan: She did. It was you.
Jamie: Without suffering there would be no compassion.
Landon: Yeah, well tell that to those who suffer.
Jamie: I'm sick.
Landon: I'll take you home. You'll be be...
Jamie: No. Landon! I'm sick. I have Leukemia.
Landon: No. You're 18. You - you're perfect.
Jamie: No. I found out two years ago and I've stopped responding to treatments.
Landon: So why didn't you tell me?
Jamie: The doctor said I should go on and live life normally as best I could. I - I didn't want anybody to be weird around me.
Landon: Including me?
Jamie: Especially you! [Jamie looks down]
Jamie: [Landon gets upset]
Jamie: Ya know, I was getting along with everything fine. I accepted it, and then you happened! I do not need a reason to be angry with God.
To end up like Jamie.. in A Walk to Remember...
Perhaps then, people would realise that people matter more... More than rules, more than beliefs, more than anything else..
And I'd have at least a summer... Of bliss... That is all I ask for...
Landon: I'm sorry she never got her miracle.
Reverend Sullivan: She did. It was you.
Jamie: Without suffering there would be no compassion.
Landon: Yeah, well tell that to those who suffer.
Jamie: I'm sick.
Landon: I'll take you home. You'll be be...
Jamie: No. Landon! I'm sick. I have Leukemia.
Landon: No. You're 18. You - you're perfect.
Jamie: No. I found out two years ago and I've stopped responding to treatments.
Landon: So why didn't you tell me?
Jamie: The doctor said I should go on and live life normally as best I could. I - I didn't want anybody to be weird around me.
Landon: Including me?
Jamie: Especially you! [Jamie looks down]
Jamie: [Landon gets upset]
Jamie: Ya know, I was getting along with everything fine. I accepted it, and then you happened! I do not need a reason to be angry with God.
Monday, January 5, 2009
Horoscopes
A Bad Habit Can Spoil A Good Horoscope.
That line made me think alot. Thank you *i*es* for giving me something to think about.. That line was off a poster that encouraged people to quit smoking. True, isn't it? Horoscopes, supposed to have so much significance in a person's life, especially if you're Indian and Hindu. The importance that families give to horsocopes, can drive you to the point of insanity at times.. Don't take me wrongly. I am not denouncing this practise, neither am I saying it shouldn't be followed.. I am merely stating my thoughts on this matter..
Two people who get along, who have no issues in terms of communication, who are the best of friends, who love being around each other, who sit and await the dawn of the next day just so they can see the other person - what is wrong in them being together? But they cannot be if some planets in their horoscopes are not in the right position, which means they will have fights and quarrels later in future and a marriage is called off.. Nobody stops to think that this could be a self fulfilling prophecy in future.. Who does not fight? Which couple gets through life without fighting here and there? Some fight more, some fight less.. Eventually they will settle down together.. Just because they fight does not mean they love each other any less, does it? If a dating couple in love fight although they see each other for limited periods each day, isn't it only natural that married couples who live together under the same roof, with different lifestyles and habits fight as well? How is this determined by planets? And if you were to go againts the beliefs and choose to follow your mind, and then you end up fighting, everyone says the prediction came true and it is a case of a self fulfilling prophecy.. Everything that may go wrong naturally would be blamed on the fact that the astrology was not followed..
And then there is the issue of two people not being allowed to get married because one life is at risk if they get together, now that's sad too.. A couple in love, who get along, who have no issues, who may have been friends for years before and they are stopped from starting a life together cuz the astrology states that one will die if they get married.. So what if they had been living together, cohabiting for years and all was good, but marriage would kill one? How does an exchange of vows and rings suddenly throw one on the death bed..
Im not insulting traditions or looking down on them.. I do believe in it to an extent too.. But I feel it's unfair too.. Sometimes I tend to think ignorance is bliss and knowledge is such a burden.. Not knowing would allow you to live your life in a carefree manner, without worrying about when what was predicted is going to happen... In fear.. Living each day with worry...
Like the line at the top says , "A Bad Habit Can Spoil A Good Horoscope." Everything can go well according to the astrologer's prediction. Your horoscopes can be perfect.. your planets and moons can be at the perfect positions.. but what if he was an alcoholic? Or a chain smoker, who can't quit.. Wouldn't that take his life? Then whose fault is it?
What is true? What is meant to be? How much do we give in and how much should we fight against what we are made to believe in? Do we allow the horoscopes to determine our path in life and sit and wonder all the way if we made a mistake or fight against beliefs and stick by what you want...
As sad as it is, eventually even if you want to fight and go by your choice and follow your heart, it's the beliefs that emerge triumphant.. And you find yourself succumbing to fate and doing what you were supposed to do - abide by the rules... And whether that gives you a happily ever after , you will have to wonder all the way...
That line made me think alot. Thank you *i*es* for giving me something to think about.. That line was off a poster that encouraged people to quit smoking. True, isn't it? Horoscopes, supposed to have so much significance in a person's life, especially if you're Indian and Hindu. The importance that families give to horsocopes, can drive you to the point of insanity at times.. Don't take me wrongly. I am not denouncing this practise, neither am I saying it shouldn't be followed.. I am merely stating my thoughts on this matter..
Two people who get along, who have no issues in terms of communication, who are the best of friends, who love being around each other, who sit and await the dawn of the next day just so they can see the other person - what is wrong in them being together? But they cannot be if some planets in their horoscopes are not in the right position, which means they will have fights and quarrels later in future and a marriage is called off.. Nobody stops to think that this could be a self fulfilling prophecy in future.. Who does not fight? Which couple gets through life without fighting here and there? Some fight more, some fight less.. Eventually they will settle down together.. Just because they fight does not mean they love each other any less, does it? If a dating couple in love fight although they see each other for limited periods each day, isn't it only natural that married couples who live together under the same roof, with different lifestyles and habits fight as well? How is this determined by planets? And if you were to go againts the beliefs and choose to follow your mind, and then you end up fighting, everyone says the prediction came true and it is a case of a self fulfilling prophecy.. Everything that may go wrong naturally would be blamed on the fact that the astrology was not followed..
And then there is the issue of two people not being allowed to get married because one life is at risk if they get together, now that's sad too.. A couple in love, who get along, who have no issues, who may have been friends for years before and they are stopped from starting a life together cuz the astrology states that one will die if they get married.. So what if they had been living together, cohabiting for years and all was good, but marriage would kill one? How does an exchange of vows and rings suddenly throw one on the death bed..
Im not insulting traditions or looking down on them.. I do believe in it to an extent too.. But I feel it's unfair too.. Sometimes I tend to think ignorance is bliss and knowledge is such a burden.. Not knowing would allow you to live your life in a carefree manner, without worrying about when what was predicted is going to happen... In fear.. Living each day with worry...
Like the line at the top says , "A Bad Habit Can Spoil A Good Horoscope." Everything can go well according to the astrologer's prediction. Your horoscopes can be perfect.. your planets and moons can be at the perfect positions.. but what if he was an alcoholic? Or a chain smoker, who can't quit.. Wouldn't that take his life? Then whose fault is it?
What is true? What is meant to be? How much do we give in and how much should we fight against what we are made to believe in? Do we allow the horoscopes to determine our path in life and sit and wonder all the way if we made a mistake or fight against beliefs and stick by what you want...
As sad as it is, eventually even if you want to fight and go by your choice and follow your heart, it's the beliefs that emerge triumphant.. And you find yourself succumbing to fate and doing what you were supposed to do - abide by the rules... And whether that gives you a happily ever after , you will have to wonder all the way...
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Goodbye 2008
It's the 31st today!
I can't believe it's the end of a year already. It went by way too fast and so many things have happened this year, it's crazy...
So much hurt, so many tears, so many disappointments, so much heartache...
Also, my fair share of joy and laughter and extremely happy moments... I cannot deny that...
You were the reason for my happiest moments and my deepest grief.. You made me feel like the luckiest girl around and also the unluckiest... With you I learnt to aim for the stars and I also learnt how it felt to be crawling in the dumps... With you I learnt the beauty of giving and loving and also the pain of it... I learnt that decisions that are made past the correct time may never get a second chance.. I have learnt that it is more important to follow your heart and gut instinct than what is deemed to be correct.. That societal norms and family rules may not necessarily be applicable to everyone within the family.. That you should take the path where your heart lies cuz that usually leads you to happiness.. I have learnt that sometimes sacrifice may not be the best thing after all.. And I have also learnt that even if it may not be the best thing, you got to do it when there is no other alternative.. I have also learnt that love cannot be forced and will only work if two people want it to.. That it's useless believing that you can will things to work on your own...
I have learnt that sometimes the people whom you least expect are the ones who are there to pick you up and watch out for you.. ( Thank you, Kevin and Siva) .. I have learnt too that sometimes without your girlfriends, you are nothing... The smiles and laughter and tears they share with you are priceless... No matter how often you meet or hangout or how seldom you communicate, they would never let you down..
To Sai, for listening, for understanding, for feeling my frustration, for curling my hair and doing my eyes, for getting excited with me for things that mean the world to me, for sharing my love for chocolates and seafood...
To Vic, for staying up at night to let me cry, for calling me a million times to make sure Im ok.. For carrying an unglamorously huge balloon through the train for me cuz you knew I wanted you to, for actually thinking about coming to India ...
To Vas, for patiently listening to my long updates of stories each time we meet, for the wake up calls each morning that makes me feel remembered, for walking to an ulu mac to get me the 'wrong' breakfast, for being honest with me...
To Bhavani, for coming in at the right times, for listening and trying to save me from potential heartache, for getting to know people important to me, for getting frsutrated on my behalf and for being there..
To Geeta, for calling me daily, getting happy and sad for me, for fighting for my blue blanket, for sharing movie dates with me, for getting embarrassed with me, for travelling to Commonwealth station at night cuz you knew it meant a lot...
To Shivani, for listening, for getting angry, for making me egg and cheese, for always cooking when you stay over, for watching 'colic' with me, for painting the 'V' and helping me with damage control...
To Sandhya, for always trying to get me to eat, for worrying, for listening, for traumatising me about my brother, for sharing years of friendship, for calling to check on me under your block during the lightning...
To Aarthi, for appearing at the right moments, for taking me out on a random lunch date, for making me spill my heart and listening to my depression, for understanding and telling me what to do, for making me laugh, for sharing my joys and tears...
To Siew Wei, for coming into my life, for undertanding me, for knowing exactly how I feel, for the tears you share with me, for getting so frustrated at my helplessness, for wanting the best for me..
I love you all many many much!!
I wish the year end had taken a different turn... I still wish there would be a miracle.. I wish stars and planets didn't interfere with my life so much.. I wish I could leave ...
I hope the year ahead is better, less tears , less pain, less troubles..
I hope for a job so I can still support Buyan...
I hope to leave this place..
I hope to turn cold and indifferent and numb...
I hope to forget how to love...
I hope to be more antisocial and withdrawn...
I can't believe it's the end of a year already. It went by way too fast and so many things have happened this year, it's crazy...
So much hurt, so many tears, so many disappointments, so much heartache...
Also, my fair share of joy and laughter and extremely happy moments... I cannot deny that...
You were the reason for my happiest moments and my deepest grief.. You made me feel like the luckiest girl around and also the unluckiest... With you I learnt to aim for the stars and I also learnt how it felt to be crawling in the dumps... With you I learnt the beauty of giving and loving and also the pain of it... I learnt that decisions that are made past the correct time may never get a second chance.. I have learnt that it is more important to follow your heart and gut instinct than what is deemed to be correct.. That societal norms and family rules may not necessarily be applicable to everyone within the family.. That you should take the path where your heart lies cuz that usually leads you to happiness.. I have learnt that sometimes sacrifice may not be the best thing after all.. And I have also learnt that even if it may not be the best thing, you got to do it when there is no other alternative.. I have also learnt that love cannot be forced and will only work if two people want it to.. That it's useless believing that you can will things to work on your own...
I have learnt that sometimes the people whom you least expect are the ones who are there to pick you up and watch out for you.. ( Thank you, Kevin and Siva) .. I have learnt too that sometimes without your girlfriends, you are nothing... The smiles and laughter and tears they share with you are priceless... No matter how often you meet or hangout or how seldom you communicate, they would never let you down..
To Sai, for listening, for understanding, for feeling my frustration, for curling my hair and doing my eyes, for getting excited with me for things that mean the world to me, for sharing my love for chocolates and seafood...
To Vic, for staying up at night to let me cry, for calling me a million times to make sure Im ok.. For carrying an unglamorously huge balloon through the train for me cuz you knew I wanted you to, for actually thinking about coming to India ...
To Vas, for patiently listening to my long updates of stories each time we meet, for the wake up calls each morning that makes me feel remembered, for walking to an ulu mac to get me the 'wrong' breakfast, for being honest with me...
To Bhavani, for coming in at the right times, for listening and trying to save me from potential heartache, for getting to know people important to me, for getting frsutrated on my behalf and for being there..
To Geeta, for calling me daily, getting happy and sad for me, for fighting for my blue blanket, for sharing movie dates with me, for getting embarrassed with me, for travelling to Commonwealth station at night cuz you knew it meant a lot...
To Shivani, for listening, for getting angry, for making me egg and cheese, for always cooking when you stay over, for watching 'colic' with me, for painting the 'V' and helping me with damage control...
To Sandhya, for always trying to get me to eat, for worrying, for listening, for traumatising me about my brother, for sharing years of friendship, for calling to check on me under your block during the lightning...
To Aarthi, for appearing at the right moments, for taking me out on a random lunch date, for making me spill my heart and listening to my depression, for understanding and telling me what to do, for making me laugh, for sharing my joys and tears...
To Siew Wei, for coming into my life, for undertanding me, for knowing exactly how I feel, for the tears you share with me, for getting so frustrated at my helplessness, for wanting the best for me..
I love you all many many much!!
I wish the year end had taken a different turn... I still wish there would be a miracle.. I wish stars and planets didn't interfere with my life so much.. I wish I could leave ...
I hope the year ahead is better, less tears , less pain, less troubles..
I hope for a job so I can still support Buyan...
I hope to leave this place..
I hope to turn cold and indifferent and numb...
I hope to forget how to love...
I hope to be more antisocial and withdrawn...
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Xmas
It's that time of year... Of holly and mistletoes, of love and giving, of presents and candycane, of laughter and miracles.. I do believe in miracles, at least to a certain extent, and miracle or n0t, there is a sense of magic lingering in the air this season... Of possibilities, of hope, of fairytales and of dreams.. The lights, the cheer and the laughter of shoppers and friends linking hands as they walk, it'll all just so beautiful.. :)
Yesterday I sat down to watch 'A Walk to Remember'. Yet again. This time with Lavin-the most unbelievable of companions and I can't help but feel this warm sensation each time my favourite parts come up.. Where he stands up for her in the cafeteria, the way he calls her 'Baby', the softness that comes out from him whenever he is around her, the scene of the state lines and tattoo, when she refers to him as her angel... It's just sooo sweet! :)
I need a job.. There are so many things I wanna get... The mp3 player, a bag, heels, the lamp I have been meaning to get, the books that I really want to get and start reading... Not to mention settling my handphone bills, and supporting my Mongolian kid... Im so afraid I will have to give her up.. :( I hope I last it out...
I want my miracle....
Yesterday I sat down to watch 'A Walk to Remember'. Yet again. This time with Lavin-the most unbelievable of companions and I can't help but feel this warm sensation each time my favourite parts come up.. Where he stands up for her in the cafeteria, the way he calls her 'Baby', the softness that comes out from him whenever he is around her, the scene of the state lines and tattoo, when she refers to him as her angel... It's just sooo sweet! :)
I need a job.. There are so many things I wanna get... The mp3 player, a bag, heels, the lamp I have been meaning to get, the books that I really want to get and start reading... Not to mention settling my handphone bills, and supporting my Mongolian kid... Im so afraid I will have to give her up.. :( I hope I last it out...
I want my miracle....
Monday, December 22, 2008
Coincidences and Signs
It's been a while.. Never really knew how to put in words and express the turbulence within... Actually I still don't.. And I doubt I would make sense anyway...
How do you know you have gotten a sign? I mean you wait for a sign and then you get a sign that you asked for but you start doubting it because it could just be coincidence.. I mean, it was so possible that it could just be a normal occurence and not a sign.. But then again, it just may be the sign I was looking for.. So what do I do - take it as a sign and make decisoons based on that thought or dismiss it as a coincidence? See what I mean, I start sprouting loads of nonsense.. Sign or coincidence, i think Im gonna dismiss them both and go by my instinct and belief.. And I'll wait to see where this will all lead to...
So much I want to know.. So many things I need to ask.. So many burning questions that drive me crazy each and every day but I know this is not the time.. I smile and let it go.. One day things will fall into place... Time, time is all that's needed.. I hope...
I wanna see you the way I know you.. The way you were and the things you did.. the way you'd say things and the way your eyes light up when you smile.. I wanna see your smile reach your eyes and the warmth radiate from within like how I remember it.. I wanna see that laughter and mischief once more.. That arrogance that came through once in a while, the confidence that you showed.. The positivity and faith that made me believe and the smiles you brought about... I know I will..
Will it be my turn, two hearts beating together as one, no more loneliness , only love , laughter and fun
How do you know you have gotten a sign? I mean you wait for a sign and then you get a sign that you asked for but you start doubting it because it could just be coincidence.. I mean, it was so possible that it could just be a normal occurence and not a sign.. But then again, it just may be the sign I was looking for.. So what do I do - take it as a sign and make decisoons based on that thought or dismiss it as a coincidence? See what I mean, I start sprouting loads of nonsense.. Sign or coincidence, i think Im gonna dismiss them both and go by my instinct and belief.. And I'll wait to see where this will all lead to...
So much I want to know.. So many things I need to ask.. So many burning questions that drive me crazy each and every day but I know this is not the time.. I smile and let it go.. One day things will fall into place... Time, time is all that's needed.. I hope...
I wanna see you the way I know you.. The way you were and the things you did.. the way you'd say things and the way your eyes light up when you smile.. I wanna see your smile reach your eyes and the warmth radiate from within like how I remember it.. I wanna see that laughter and mischief once more.. That arrogance that came through once in a while, the confidence that you showed.. The positivity and faith that made me believe and the smiles you brought about... I know I will..
Will it be my turn, two hearts beating together as one, no more loneliness , only love , laughter and fun
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