You, you, you & you..

Is is so easy to throw someone out? Is it so easy to run off? Is it so easy to just let a friend go? How about the memories? I never found it easy.. Never used to be able to completely let go.. Always found some part of the person coming back and always saw myself being reluctant to completely throw everything out? But it's sad that that isn't always the case.. We really feel it.. A tad bit too much.. When everything falls into place and realisation hits and we see where it has all come to, the tears that are shed are from our eyes.. I wonder if you'd know.. Whatever it is, we would always want the best for you..

You. I miss you.. I miss having you around.. I miss having you to tell everything to.. I miss how you knew me so well.. I miss how you showed you cared.. I miss how you made me feel special... I miss how you made me laugh.. I miss how you encouraged me and stood by me.. I miss how you made me eat.. I miss how you would call me each time you were free.. I miss you.. But it's sad that everything has changed. Too much. I suppose I should too...

Sometimes I wonder why I don't let myself do what I think I perhaps should.. Why I keep telling you what I do.. And why I ponder after.. I wonder...

Are you for real? Or is this a mirage? Am I visualising a possibility or am i being led to my fall, again? How do I know? How do I know it's real? I wish I could believe everything but I find myself holding back.. Tell me...

Triple surprise

Finally the party is over.. After days of slaving away in preparation for it.. I do admit, there were disappointments and misunderstandings and sadness in between but the whole thing went well.. So cute the way my aunty had no clue the party was for her as well and was keenly helping me out with the plans and keeping it from my mum.. The look of shock on her face when the kids ran out with her gift.. And the smiles that broke onto their faces when they ripped open the paper bags and found each gift inside that had some memory to them.. I think my uncle was really taken aback by the pretty cake we got them for their anniversary as well.. And how we worried the food wouldn't be enough but they all were stuffed and couldn't move by the time they finished their meal..

Neelu and I slaved alot for today but at the end of it all, it was so worthwhile.. The madness before the party was indescribable.. Shopping for last minute items, carrying so many grocery bags in the scorching heat of the sun, coming all the way to our block only to realise both the stupid lifts were out of order and we had to climb the whole ten flights of stairs home.. Once we crawled home, we couldn't even rest a bit since we were short of time.. The cutting and chopping and on the spot invention of dishes was crazy.. The pasta that cheated our feelings.. haha.. The pile of potatoes that never seemed to get smaller, the chilli that seemed to want to burn your taste buds with the spiciness, the honeydew sago that didnt have the honeydew, the mushrooms that splattered oil from the pan at us, it was all madness.. The highlight was when Neelu unknowingly scooped an entire ladleful of boiling bubbling gravy onto my already damaged wrist.. I think I saw the stars, the moon and the universe all at once! Haha poor girl felt so guilty that she started looking for ice cubes to soothe the burn. Poor thing.. :) Anyway I'm just glad everyone had a good time and they were all smiles when they went back.. I don't think they were expecting so much planning when I called them up.. They were pretty taken aback. Haha..

My favourite shot..This is a bad shot...Anniversary cakeBirthday cakeThe best aunt and uncleThe surprised sistersAfter they successfully managed to break the knife while cutting the cake.. ;)I told them to look at the camera and not the mirror behind..HaizThis was her idea.. Not mine.. Really...

*haiz*

I wish things didn't screw up the way they did on Saturday night after Sai's party and before Geeta's party.. So much planning and effort and excitement went into that one and it's so sad that it turned out the way it did..The amount of time we spent on the phone discussing this, the running around from one corner of the world to the next, the planning, the decisions we made, the thinking... I'm not justifying our actions by saying we were right to do what we did or anything.. It wasn't, I admit but at that moment there seemed to be no other way.. We really didn't know how else to react in that situation.. You know we get scared and have never been exposed to such things and are very very sheltered when it comes to all this.. We could have handled the situation differently on our part, I know, but all we ask is that you just spare a little thought to how we feel about it.. If you really felt it was solely our mistake, then we are sorry but I just wish you knew how much we both wanted that day to be perfect for you and how much we were looking forward to seeing your reaction when you opened the box and took out the stuff inside or what you would have said when you saw the mango cake and all.. Oh well, I just pray that you will cool down and be willing to listen to our side of it.. Otherwise, Im afraid of the outcome.. I have never seen you react that way towards us before and that hurt big time..It felt like someone else that we didn't know and I really hope that anger has subsided..

I'm tired of planning for this birthday party.. It's nice when everyone shares your enthusiasm and does their part to help and splits the work and not to mention, the cost as well.. But right now, everyone seems to just take it for granted that I would do it.. It's not that I mind spending or planning.. I don't.. I like doing it, but nobody seems to understand that I'm still jobless and resources are running low and my mum isn't working either and that once my savings are gone, I don't know what to do.. Forget the money.. Even the running around.. It would have been nice if someone helped.. Neelu is nice enough, but she is still little and there is nothing too great that I can ask her to do.. My brother isn't helping, neither are the adults who should.. The ones who are volunteering are the ones whom the party is for, who don't know that information yet.. Aargh.. And there is still so much to do in terms of food and stuff.. I can't wait for tomorrow to be over and then it will be Shiv's party but that would be fun since we all get to work together with the theme.. :) Yay!

I'm confused.. Is this really for the better? Is this what it was supposed to be? Is this a mutual decision or a one way thing? How do I know it's sincerely coming from you? How can I be sure of all these things? What am I to do if i'm asked? What do I say about all this? Right now, Im saying nothing. Nothing at all.. In a month, I don't know what will happen...

Sailu and Geeta

Yesterday was super super tiring.. First was Sailu darling's birthday.. We did up the Scavenger Hunt List and made some changes to the powerpoint slides and ran out of the house at about four.. Once at the chalet, we were assigned to do the balloons and trust me, I never wanna look at another balloon again for a long long time.. And my wrist is severely damaged.. Haha.. It was a good thing Vic and I were both feeling useless together and not knowing many people cuz that let us hang out in the room and snap pictures and be silly. :) Sai looked gorgeous in her pink gown and blue dress and the party was a blast.. The games kept us entertained as we watched people going around trying to get a lipstick stain on their cheeks and snoop around the floor in search of ants.. It was really fun and kept us laughing.. Then met Siva and Vjay also after eons and it felt soo good catching up and stuff.. we chit chatted till about 3.30am and then decided we should leave since most of her friends were no longer there.. So Vjay hailed us a cab and sent us off and we made our way to Hougang for Geeta's surprise...We reached Ammuma's place at about four plus.. This place was our location for the surprise as Geeta lived just a block away and it allowed us to decorate the venue as well.. The place was so beautifully decked in purple-an arch of purple balloons, a curtain of purple streamers, purple backdrops and a purple carpet for her to walk in through.. Soo pretty.. All were awake all night and Vic and I couldnt resist and dozed off for ten minutes and the others were so sweet not to wake us.. They tiptoed out to the kitchen and went to make sandwiches and milo for all.. And I ended up waking up to Vicknesh stuffing a sandwich in my mouth.. They were all so sweet. And it was so nice all working together to plan this surprise for her.. We made our way to the lift landing of her block to have a run thru with the min-cooper that was supposed to lead her to Rajieef who would then blindfold her and lead her to the house for the surprise... It was so hilarious when we were all play acting and stuff.. Nobody could keep their voices down.. And we kept getting weird stares from passers by who were pretty startled by our blindfolding acts..

After one run through, we went back and waited while Shivani and Divyah Chechi went to get the flower petals and sticky notes ready .. We stayed back to confirm Rajieef's entrance and so unfortunately he lost his wallet at Sentosa and so he could not come.. We had to change the plans and it ended up that Vic and I had to pounce on her and kidnap her instead.. So nervously we waited for the alarm clock to wake her and for her to listen to the cassette tape and follow the clues.. However she proved a really tough person to surprise as she could not be awoken with 3 alarm clocks.. AIYO!! And we failed to think that she may not dutifully follow our plans and clues and instead she ended up just collecting the clues.. So things were a mess and we were so unprepared and standing in front of the lift having a run through and about to fling a shawl and blindfold over Vicknesh who was pretending to be the birthday girl when the lift doors opened and she stepped out right in front of us.. We were all in stunned silence for some time, all not knowing how to react and waiting for instructions.. Eventually we just kidnapped her anyway and brought her to the house where she was surprised by the deco and the room full of relatives who took the effort to turn up so early in the morning and the spongebob edition of monopoly that awaited her.. :) Haha.. the whole thing was hilarious.. So many mess ups and miscommunications but it was so fun and worthwhile..

Anyway Geeta baby, hope you enjoyed your surprise and so sorry for planting three annoying alarm clocks in your room :) Haha..

Tears to Shed

I'm very sad today.. Feels like someone sucked the air out of me... Well it was meant to happen sometime I guess.. At least I feel more certain now..

I really felt sad watching this video this time...

If I touch a burning candle I can feel no pain
In the ice or in the sun it's all the same
Yet I feel my heart is aching
Though it doesn't beat it's breaking
And the pain here that I feel
Try and tell me it's not real
I know that I am dead
Yet it seems that I still have some tears to shed

"I wish I was one of your tears, so I could be born in your eye, run down your cheeks and die on your lips..."

Olive

Have I mentioned that cameras aren't my best friends.. Grr!!

Or that I have a very natural flair for saying the most ridiculous things when a camera is ready.. Aiyo..

And by the way, to you both, Olives could be good for confidence, you know.. I may have been right... *winkz*

I shall say no more, lest I reveal stuff that could make me feel extremely spastic.

Weekend with family

The weekend was a rather eventful one.. Went for this Deepavali show at Hougang on Saturday cuz my cousins were singing and I must say they were so cute.. Both went shopping for similar outfits and stuff and really looked so gorgeous.. I have a video of it that isn't so clear.. Stupid phone.. I'm sure Vicknesh has a video of a better quality.. :)

Pretty pretty.. I wonder who did their make up *winkz*
Vicknesh's masterpieceFourSisters

That was pretty fun.. Meeting up with them again.. And Vicknesh, Neelu and I had our own amusement with the doorgifts that we were struggling to open :) Haha all in all, it was pretty good.. Girls, next year, it's our show, k? :)

Yesterday after a long time I met the little ones.. Been meeting Neelu pretty often but circumstances make it pretty hard to see the other kids around.. So yesterday I was sooo happy when I had Vaarsha and Ahmish yell "Rashmi Chechiiiiiii" and come running to me.. Had some fun playing with the kids.. Twister and Charades and Speller.. They were so cute.. The way Ahmish decsribed Mr Bean and Hippopotamus for charades and the way Rethish and Neelu were crawling all over the mat for twister and how Vaarsha's actions for peacock looked anything but peacock-like.. haha.. I really missed them and I can't wait for them to stay over!!!

SmotheredCrazy boysTwister fun