A Tribute

I didn't want to write about it or think about it but I just found out it was Vic's dad's birthday today.. Well, things come flooding back.. Acha's birthday was on Thursday. And I tried not to give it much thought. Tried to brush it away. Now it's back.. Oh well...

At times like these with so many things going on in my life, I wish he were here.. To stand by me, to guide me, to show me the way. I think I may not have been this paranoid and afraid if he was around. Think I might have been more willing to gamble with things if I had the security of his presence next to me. Dances would have been different too. That feeling of having him take time off from work to get home early to help me with my hair and all, that look and smile that would form on his face as he watched me on stage.. I still remember how I was doing "Kannodu Kaanbathellam" once on stage and he wasnt in the audi cuz he was helping with tickets outside. As my song blared on the speakers, I noticed the doors open and I saw him slip in and stand by the shadows throughout my dance. I remember that happiness welling up inside of me when I saw his smile and the look of pride on his face in watching his little girl perform.. Those emotions are gone forever...

I also remember how he taught us how to make catapults, how to catch birds with a basket, how to feed a young calf, how to hold a goat kid.. Trips to India are never the same without him around. I remember that smile on his face the day I came of age. That look in his eyes as grandma asked him to feed me some weird mixture of herbs and God knows what roots.. The way he spent so many $1 coins on that spastic machine at the arcade just because I said I wanted a doll from there. The way he used to bring us to funfairs.. The way he was so tired yet he took us for Hercules during the holidays and how he fell asleep in the theatre.. :)

He was so selfless. He loved unconditionally. He cared for everyone. I remember how he would go and cook something special if my friends were coming over. How he would stay up and cook for my school event and ask me to go sleep first. How he knew I hated ironing my pinafore and he used to iron it for me everynight..

Oh well, the memories are many many.. Try not to think about them cuz then it leaves me feeling miserable that I lost a love so precious, so selfless, so pure - one that i would never ever again experience. Throughout everything, every hurdle, every step, every decision, I know he is next to me.