I don't know what I have done.. Whether the consequences of my actions are going to leave me with regrets later or whether it's for the better.. I made a decision now based on fear, fear of the unknown, fear of the possibility of a negative outcome. But is it the right thing? The heart and the mind refuse to agree on the same thing.. The heart just refuses to agree with the mind and i feel lost.. Feel like someone just shook all the air out of me.. It's only been a while but I feel like I lost something I shouldn't have..
There are 2 possible outcomes, true... But why am I so certain it's going to be the negative one? Cuz it's my luck we are talking about.. My luck is so bad that if I were to buy a cemetery, people might actually stop dying! Things always seem to turn out different from what I want. Which is why I'm afraid.. Really afraid.. Time is not my concern.. The outcome is.. I have lost many dear to me and I hate the feeling of such loss.. I don't think I can cope with that, especially after a much longer period. As it is, I feel it now.. I cannot imagine the feeling after giving it a lot more time..
It's not that I don't understand you.. I do.. Perfectly well.. I wanted nothing more than to let you see I really wanted that.. But circumstances are against everything and I cannot adapt to drastic changes.. Not suddenly.. I feel like I may be making a huge mistake... But I'm stuck.. Fairytales do sometimes come to an end.. Not every fairy tale can have a happily ever after I suppose.. At least this doesn't seem to... Although there were some tears and some emotions involved, you made my day with one line.. ' There was only once I changed my mind.. And that was............ ' The rest need not be mentioned.. I rather keep it as a pleasant memory for myself..
I don't know where this path will lead me to.. But I'm not eager to move anywhere.. I'm not looking for anything and I just want to think.. To be alone for a bit.. To clear my thoughts....
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Just listen to this if you want to. If you listen to your mind and do something, your heart may never accept it. But you listen to your heart, the chances of your mind accepting it is much higher. Check-in into reality and think through things. Fairy tales ends happy every after. Yea it ends. You don't want sucha fairy tale. What you need is more than that which you will get if you straight things within you and decide. Just think through.
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