*haiz*

I wish things didn't screw up the way they did on Saturday night after Sai's party and before Geeta's party.. So much planning and effort and excitement went into that one and it's so sad that it turned out the way it did..The amount of time we spent on the phone discussing this, the running around from one corner of the world to the next, the planning, the decisions we made, the thinking... I'm not justifying our actions by saying we were right to do what we did or anything.. It wasn't, I admit but at that moment there seemed to be no other way.. We really didn't know how else to react in that situation.. You know we get scared and have never been exposed to such things and are very very sheltered when it comes to all this.. We could have handled the situation differently on our part, I know, but all we ask is that you just spare a little thought to how we feel about it.. If you really felt it was solely our mistake, then we are sorry but I just wish you knew how much we both wanted that day to be perfect for you and how much we were looking forward to seeing your reaction when you opened the box and took out the stuff inside or what you would have said when you saw the mango cake and all.. Oh well, I just pray that you will cool down and be willing to listen to our side of it.. Otherwise, Im afraid of the outcome.. I have never seen you react that way towards us before and that hurt big time..It felt like someone else that we didn't know and I really hope that anger has subsided..

I'm tired of planning for this birthday party.. It's nice when everyone shares your enthusiasm and does their part to help and splits the work and not to mention, the cost as well.. But right now, everyone seems to just take it for granted that I would do it.. It's not that I mind spending or planning.. I don't.. I like doing it, but nobody seems to understand that I'm still jobless and resources are running low and my mum isn't working either and that once my savings are gone, I don't know what to do.. Forget the money.. Even the running around.. It would have been nice if someone helped.. Neelu is nice enough, but she is still little and there is nothing too great that I can ask her to do.. My brother isn't helping, neither are the adults who should.. The ones who are volunteering are the ones whom the party is for, who don't know that information yet.. Aargh.. And there is still so much to do in terms of food and stuff.. I can't wait for tomorrow to be over and then it will be Shiv's party but that would be fun since we all get to work together with the theme.. :) Yay!

I'm confused.. Is this really for the better? Is this what it was supposed to be? Is this a mutual decision or a one way thing? How do I know it's sincerely coming from you? How can I be sure of all these things? What am I to do if i'm asked? What do I say about all this? Right now, Im saying nothing. Nothing at all.. In a month, I don't know what will happen...