Tired tired tired

I think I may just drop dead.. Never have I been so drained out.. Really.. And I don't understand why all the dances come simultaneously.. when I missed performing and was super free, there was nothing.. Now, it's unbelievable.. i could choose to back out, but I love what i'm doing, just that it really tires me out..

Had dance class as usual on Tuesday but instead of ending it at ten like it's supposed to, he dragged it till almost 11 and by the time I slept was almost 2am.. Then I woke up at 5.30am and dragged myself to work.. After work, met Bhavani darlin for 'nimbooda' prac.. That was really good cuz she is such a fantastic dancer.. It's amazing the way she does it and you can't help but just sit and watch her expressions and the fluidity of her movements.. :) Then today I took half a day off to meet grandparents thinking that would be less tiring but walking around Tekka in the sun is pretty exhausting and then going home and changing into the saree and running to dance class again takes away half your energy and the remaining goes during prac where he makes us do the dance again and again till we can't even feel our legs anymore.. And I have gotten the bruises on my knees again from this dance, the same thing that happened previously, cuz he very happily made us do the rolling around step.. aargh.. But this should be an experience that's different since we all get to travel to Malaysia in a group, have fun together, get scolded together, dance together and basically bond.. In that sense I think it's worthwhile putting in some extra effort and suffering till august.. :) As long as we all don't embarrass ourselves.. haha.. Especially my class, since we seem to be really lost and screwing up and ending up making that dance a comedy routine.. But it's fun.. :)

Then there is 'Thiruvaathira', 'Oppana' and the kids item to think about and do.. 'Gangae' when we return from Malaysia.. I'm really draining myself out but I'm doing it for something I like.. i just wish I could take a break.. Just one day.. Go out somewhere.. Shopping or the beach or the zoo or the movies.. Anything..

And to all of you, whom I haven't been calling, I'm sorry... It's not that I don't care or can't be bothered to keep in touch, just that I really don't even have time for myself.. I am trying, ok.. haha.. Honestly, I miss you guys.. All of you and when I don't call, it's not that i've grown distant, cuz i still love u all many many.. :) Right now, all I wanna do is see my friends again, to just hang out somewhere and chit chat or even just stone, or just spend time with the kids.. Just sitting down and watching the movie 'Cars' with Ahmish on my lap today, made me realise how much i missed them.. He wants me to take them for that rat cartoon.. Told him I'd try my best and I hope I can..

Darlin Jen, Happy belated Birthday.. I know the card will reach you late but I hope you have a good time.. I'm glad I managed to call you and spend a few meaningful minutes on the line with you.. Felt really good after a long time.. Come back soon and I hope you had a smashing day! (the champagne made your day, that I know *winkz*) by the way, tell your parents I'm still up for adoption.. haha..*muakz*

Someone told me today that I should try to make a difference to my personality perhaps when I told them I think i tend to bore people.. I used to think so some time back cuz i tend to be really shy and introverted and stuff around people and very conscious of my actions. I never want to do anything that could have the potential of having me ending up feeling even slightly embarrassed.. And I guess this tends to make people tired of me and not want to hang around longer.. It's something I am aware of which makes me hesitant to meet new people.. i was just telling this person this as I mentioned I have flaws and was asked to list them.. This was one of the most major ones to me.. Cuz it's something in me.. It's something that makes me the person I am.. And something I can only overcome with the help of those around me.. If I feel they understand my insecurity and low self confidence about myself.. If i feel they will stick around patiently till I am ready to open up, but more often than not, it isn't the case.. Oh well.. I know it's something that could irk people but i'm helpless and lost cuz I really don't know how to be otherwise, how to be bold, how to not be shy, how to look people in the eye and talk unless I'm really comfortable with them, how to be daring and sporting and ready to try anything.. haiz.. Well, ok this is depressing me so I shall stop..

Anyway it's getting late and I'm exhausted.. I'll be back soon.. ;)