"A candle never loses anything when used to light another.."
A very familiar phrase.. Something that made me smile once.. Was just browsing through something that was so significant to me, something that I woke up to each morning :) Read the contents of it again, although it's been abandoned for some time already.. Some of the things made me tear again.. Some of the things made me smile but what was really sad was the change that's come about.. From someone whom I could turn to anytime for words of comfort, now i feel fear and a possibility of coldness. I guess maybe i asked for it, from that point of view cuz I had to change my ways, I had to stop caring and showing that I cared.. Cuz otherwise, I would have caused alot of hurt at the end.. I just didn't want that. I had to do what i did.. and the price now is possibly anger.. Oh well.. No matter how many times you keep saying no, I think I know you better.. I know the other side of you, the way you used to be..
Reading those things, certain lines were so disappointing cuz I truly believed them then.. How you would never leave and stand by for my best interests and support me all the way to my happiness.. Oh well.. I guess your situation was such as well.. And I suppose I had to make it harder.. Can't say anything.. Anyway, although things are waaaay different now from how they used to be, I just want you to know that Im happy for you and Im glad you've found your happiness :) Take care and don't overwork yourself.
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I meant it when i said i have never been angry with you before. I knew things will be difficult for you if the situation was still the same. Decision making would have been harder as you had to think of how i am gonna take it. And times you had to hide things so that i will not feel one kind. All these unpleasant feelings was avoided by the simple thing that we or rather i decided to do. Move away. Yea honestly... it was like hell but knowing that by moving away from you will make things easier for you in many ways made me feel slightly lighter. You may say that things wasn't easier after i moved away but it would have even more tough with another person in mind to think of and tackle the situation. Told you once what was my biggest regret. Its still the same. Wished I knew you the way i knew many years back. I would have kept you in my palms and given you the world. I did lose my happiness when i moved away. You said i found my happiness.... i think I've yet to. Nothing seems certain now. True i have feelings for her now but honestly i don't know where it will lead to. Know her for 2 months now. Could it be a fallback from my previous fallout... i don't know at all. Hope its not. Never said this to anyone before but you. You are the most sweetest and nicest things that happened in my life. No denial and the same time i know i can never have it again. Like i said... thanks for your footprints in my life. The memories are still there. Please don't ever ask me again if i am angry with you cause trust me... i can never be.
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